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Allen Key
Stagnating, like a packet of crisps on the roof.
Mon 25th Apr '05 1:29PM
510 Posts
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10th Oct '04
Today my blue pen ran out.

Not likely to be making the national headlines, I grant you, but in almost 4 years as a full-time-employed person, this is the first time I've actually held on to a pen long enough for it to run out, without it being 'borrowed', stolen or destroyed trying to unjam a photocopier.

I've also discovered I'm now highly skilled in the art of paperclip anticipation: i.e. with only a cursory glance at a sheaf of documents that require paperclipping, I am able to scoop from my pot the exact number of paperclips required without counting either documents or paperclips.

My job is not very interesting. I therefore feel it is important to share these small moments of achievement as and when they occur.
 

General*
Windows Bob - the best!
Mon 25th Apr '05 8:08PM
4213 Posts
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7th Apr '03
That's nothing once I managed to select the correct size of staples for my stapler.
ON MY FIRST GO!
    

BrightonBabe
Would you like to see me blink? It really is quite impressive.
Mon 25th Apr '05 9:02PM
894 Posts
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25th Aug '03
I think thats called too much time on your hands
 

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Tue 26th Apr '05 12:00AM
4678 Posts
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7th Apr '03
Wow, if I ever actually used up a whole biro I think I'd have to hold a party. I remember as a child seeing biros that were almost empty, but I can't recall even seeing a seriously-used one anytime in the last decade.

Recently my colleague emptied his hole-punch over my desk. However, since this was the third time this particular prank had been pulled, I'd saved up 3 office's worth of hole-punchings for several months and had two boxes full. It took him a while cleaning that one up
  

Allen Key
Stagnating, like a packet of crisps on the roof.
Tue 26th Apr '05 9:13AM
510 Posts
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10th Oct '04
I have to empty my hole-punchings in someone else's bin, cos mine is made of plastic mesh stuff and the punchings fall straight out through the sides all over the carpet when it's emptied, and the cleaners become enraged. The Powers That Be refuse to provide us with waste-bin-liners.

I do have a more functional bin, but our safety officer turned it into a colleague for me when my assistant left so I wouldn't be lonely in an office on my own. He has rubber-band hair and a tippex face and he's called Bob, and I don't have the heart to destroy him.
 

Spanners*
Misses his big brother :(
Wed 27th Apr '05 11:05AM
4597 Posts
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7th Apr '03
I always feel a great surge of satisfaction when I reach into a container of paperclips, grab one at random and pull out a tangled chain of 5 or more.
I actually have finished a biro once in the past but I inherited it when it was already running on empty. It was still a sight to behold though
    

Clara
Even red onions have a silver lining
Thu 28th Apr '05 10:25AM
838 Posts
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27th Sep '04
My pen was missing this morning. It's very sad. I may have to launch a miltary type manoevre to aid its recovery (as I did with my stapler - that took a whole week)...
 

Dregan
a flim flam is as good as a shim sham sam
Thu 28th Apr '05 1:24PM
843 Posts
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13th Apr '04


Clara was bold enough to comment:

My pen was missing this morning. It's very sad. I may have to launch a miltary type manoevre to aid its recovery (as I did with my stapler - that took a whole week)...


I believe you have my stapler?
    

Clara
Even red onions have a silver lining
Thu 28th Apr '05 3:23PM
838 Posts
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27th Sep '04
Is that supposed to be a representation of me? I'll have you know that my moustache is much bushier than that one!

My pen is still missing. However my day has brightened up considerably since I discovered that the canteen is selling the new snack brands of 'Nobby's Crisps' and, more impressively, 'Nobby's Nuts'. I now have packets of these on my desk. Who said office work made you sad?!
 

Amanshu*
Giggity Giggity goo
Fri 29th Apr '05 7:17AM
2708 Posts
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25th Aug '04
I actually managed to make it into work for this time!
I know that doesn't sound that impressive, unless you remember that I live about an hour away by train...

I look forward to sleeping later
   

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Fri 29th Apr '05 12:20PM
4678 Posts
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7th Apr '03


Amanshu was bold enough to comment:

I actually managed to make it into skive on the internet for this time!





Fixed
  

Amanshu*
Giggity Giggity goo
Fri 29th Apr '05 12:37PM
2708 Posts
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25th Aug '04


Demian was bold enough to comment:



Amanshu was bold enough to comment:

I actually managed to make it into skive on the internet for this time!





Fixed



I'll have you know I've been hard at work doing research for a very important project, which I even understand.

So I'll thank you to take that back now.
   

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Sat 30th Apr '05 1:35PM
4678 Posts
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7th Apr '03
Ah, it's that 'posting on internet forums' research you were telling me about? I see, I take it all back then
  

Amanshu*
Giggity Giggity goo
Tue 3rd May '05 9:27AM
2708 Posts
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25th Aug '04
What? You think I can just pull all those links out of thin air? I have to do research on these things, it takes time...

Speaking of which, anyone else tried zooming all the way out on maps.google.co.uk and then taking a look at the Google world map? It's quite interesting

Now to find Area 51 though...
   

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Tue 3rd May '05 9:38PM
4678 Posts
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7th Apr '03


Amanshu was bold enough to comment:

Now to find Area 51 though...



Many years ago, Spanners wrote to the US government to demand the release of Area 51 data under some US freedom of information act. Quite a hilarious 'dream on, mortal' letter in reply, I'm sure Spanners will furnish us with the details on his return to Blighty.
  

Amanshu*
Giggity Giggity goo
Wed 4th May '05 8:27AM
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25th Aug '04
That's pretty cool!
   

Dregan
a flim flam is as good as a shim sham sam
Wed 4th May '05 9:27AM
843 Posts
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13th Apr '04


Amanshu was bold enough to comment:

Now to find Area 51 though...


http://www.livejournal.com/community/the_unexplained/37956.html

Also, I note they've started doing Ireland! Woo!
    

Spanners*
Misses his big brother :(
Fri 6th May '05 1:34AM
4597 Posts
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7th Apr '03
Yup

When I was about 13 I got this magazine about the paranormal and aliens and suchlike. In it had a feature on how 'cos of the freedom of information act if you write to the CIA, NSA, FBI etc and ask for some info on something they have to reply by law. So me being the kid I was sent a letter to the CIA asking what the craic was with Area 51.
A few weeks later I got a letter back with the classic "we can neither confirm nor deny that such a place exists" line and saying that they'd kept my letter on file and gave me my own personal CIA reference number. I also got copies of the exact clauses in the freedom of information act which allow them to tell me where to go.
In hindsight it was rather foolish but it's still a good story to tell.
    

Mildred
Daddy-licious
Fri 13th May '05 1:08PM
212 Posts
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13th Sep '04


Allen Key was bold enough to comment:

I've also discovered I'm now highly skilled in the art of paperclip anticipation: i.e. with only a cursory glance at a sheaf of documents that require paperclipping, I am able to scoop from my pot the exact number of paperclips required without counting either documents or paperclips.




Just to go back to the topic of paperclips (an underrated topic if ever there was one), I feel compelled to confess that i have developed a worrying tendency to anthropomorphize paperclips. I really don't like to throw away any paperclips that have got deformed, even if they're bent to the point of not being any use anymore. Rather than throwing them in the bin as I know (sadly) I should, I hoard vast quantities of unfortunate-looking paperclips in my desk tidy.

I also keep any nice coloured paperclips in a special compartment in my desk (at the moment I have a red one, a PURPLE one, a yellow one and a white one) presumably in case I need to paperclip any documents which are particularly dear to my heart and therefore likely to warrant a SPECIAL paperclip. I wonder if anyone else gets these kind of attachment issues with paperclips, or other items of office equipment? If so perhaps we could form a support group.
 

Kelly*
Poke me in the knees and call me Roger
Fri 13th May '05 1:24PM
758 Posts
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4th Oct '03


Mildred was bold enough to comment:

I wonder if anyone else gets these kind of attachment issues with paperclips, or other items of office equipment? If so perhaps we could form a support group.



Do note books count? Because if so, definitely. I can't stop getting them, and then keeping them, and when I make a mistake in one instead of just crossing it out and carrying on, feeling the sometimes irresistable urge to get a new, clean, fresh note book and start again.
   

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Fri 13th May '05 3:26PM
4678 Posts
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7th Apr '03
I must confess to an unusual relationship with my paperclips too.

I have my collection of different types (almost at 50 now...), and a box of coloured ones I've had for 2 years and still not found anything important enough to waste one of these plastic-coated beauties on. But the normal clips must be terrified of me - I have a large bowl on my desk and during phone calls I'll absent-mindedly pluck one out and bend it into strange shapes and either hurl it at a colleague or throw it away. Sometimes I pretend they're the Microsoft paperclip buddy for extra satisfaction in their defilement. It's no life for a paperclip, really - I use a stapler to actually join paper together.

If paperclips were puppies, I'd be Cruella De Ville
  

Clara
Even red onions have a silver lining
Fri 13th May '05 5:01PM
838 Posts
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27th Sep '04


Mildred was bold enough to comment:

I feel compelled to confess that i have developed a worrying tendency to anthropomorphize paperclips.



A phrase I never thought I'd hear, but now can't imagine how I got this far without it!

And I too hoard paperclips, yet use staples to fix bits of paper together. My paperclip collection is very special to me.

Maybe we do need an office worker support group...
 

Allen Key
Stagnating, like a packet of crisps on the roof.
Mon 16th May '05 9:13AM
510 Posts
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10th Oct '04
I have a red paperclip and a pink paperclip that I keep safe from the terrors of the world in my desk drawer. Someone - I've yet to determine who - has access to a supply of the loveliest paperclips I've ever seen, which I make a point of snaffling and treasuring whenever they land in my office. They're almost oval in shape and somehow more shiny than your bog-standard variety, and glide effortlessly over the paper, although they're really too pretty to be made to do anything as mundane as fastening documents together...

Erm, yes. I think a support group would be a very good idea.
 

Clara
Even red onions have a silver lining
Mon 16th May '05 3:14PM
838 Posts
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27th Sep '04
My self adhesive address labels and sellotape have arrived!!!

Sorry, you have no idea just how long I have been waiting for them.

First meeting of the office support group is when?
 

Mildred
Daddy-licious
Tue 17th May '05 4:36PM
212 Posts
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13th Sep '04
I do think its amazing & wonderful that we have all been secretly hoarding brightly coloured plastic-coated paperclips in the inner compartments of our desk drawers without necessarily acknowledging our practices to others or even (perhaps) to ourselves! I have been keeping these paperclips separate without really questioning my motives for doing so, just assuming that it is the sensible and right thing to do. And although I live in the same house as Allen Key, neither of us could have known that we both have a red paperclip hidden in our desks at work (unless for some reason we had begun to discuss red paperclips). It?s like a Secret Cult of Coloured Paperclips?

Since realising that others feel strongly towards their paperclip collection, i think my own paperclip obsession has worsened! This afternoon I looked at a small, neatly formed metal paperclip hanging about on my desk and knew without a shadow of a doubt that its name was Oliver. Having inadvertently christened him, I don?t really feel I can ever again make him submit to the indignity of fastening two sheets of paper together ...so now he's just sitting on my desk looking oddly superior and slightly domineering...

I think the first meeting of Paperclips Anonymous should take place v soon!
 

Clara
Even red onions have a silver lining
Tue 17th May '05 5:12PM
838 Posts
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27th Sep '04
I've got both a blue and a red paperclip saved in my desk tidy. I've never thought of christening them, but now I think I shall follow Mildred's lead and name them Tim and Tom.
 

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Tue 17th May '05 10:29PM
4678 Posts
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7th Apr '03


Mildred was bold enough to comment:

Secret Cult of Coloured Paperclips
...
Paperclips Anonymous




Sign me up! After this thread I'm dreading the thought of what my co-workers will have done to my various hoards (been off work for 2 months, going back next week). If anyone's bent my small, pointy-nose, ribbed-for-her-pleasure favourite brass paperclip I'll have to write a stiff letter to somebody, and I'm not talking about John Nettles.
  

Amanshu*
Giggity Giggity goo
Wed 18th May '05 8:45AM
2708 Posts
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25th Aug '04


Demian was bold enough to comment:

(been off work for 2 months, going back next week).



2 months? Why? How?

I've got to admit, I have absolutely no paperclips at work. None. For some reason the paperclip obsession seems to have passed me by. I do however have a small collection of treasury tags that I've been hoarding. I have fun plaiting and unplaiting them, so the colours look nice with each other. It's rather therapeutic!

EDIT: Or alternatively I have one extra-sized paperclip that I've had for about two years now. It is the perfect sixe for holding between my lips while I type and then putting back on top of my computer where it belongs. But I don't actually think of it as a paperclip because it's obviously too large to be used to clip paper together, and therefore it's obviously not a paperclip.
   

Clara
Even red onions have a silver lining
Wed 18th May '05 10:51AM
838 Posts
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27th Sep '04


Demian was bold enough to comment:

If anyone's bent my small, pointy-nose, ribbed-for-her-pleasure favourite brass paperclip I'll have to write a stiff letter to somebody, and I'm not talking about John Nettles.



Oooh... Where do you get hold of such things? It sounds very exciting!

And there's a plot that Midsomer Murders has yet to get hold of...
 

Allen Key
Stagnating, like a packet of crisps on the roof.
Wed 18th May '05 12:35PM
510 Posts
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10th Oct '04
Worryingly I know the exact type of paperclip you're referring to, Demian. I fervently hope you'll find it unscathed.



Amanshu was bold enough to comment:

Or alternatively I have one extra-sized paperclip that I've had for about two years now. It is the perfect sixe for holding between my lips while I type and then putting back on top of my computer where it belongs.



Holding it between your lips?? That might be taking the office worker/paperclip relationship a step too far...
 

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