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Kelly*
Poke me in the knees and call me Roger
Thu 9th Jun '05 2:25PM
758 Posts
Kelly's Avatar
Member Since
4th Oct '03
EDIT from Spanners: Some people have expressed confusion about what M&K are in fact up to, why they are wandering the hills and how a parliamentary bill becomes law.
So here's the beef - In an effort to escape Royal York (the big horse show thingy) and the craziness that has overcome York because of it, they've decided to have a short holiday in Manchester. They've also decided to walk there! 6 nights, 17 hills, 143 horses, cows, sheep and other mammals and 14 pints of Stella later they will arrive in Manchester a little tired but with a great feeling of accomplishment.
Also http://www.parliament.uk/works/newlaw.cfm


Today we're going for a walk. We're starting here.

Regular updates will be available in this thread - further locations will be revealed on a day-by-day basis, along with Fun Facts and Hilarious Anecdotes.

Current Longitude: -1.092407
Current Latitude: 53.946642
Steps Walked: 0
Distance Travelled: 0 miles

Wheeeee! Here we go!
   

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Thu 9th Jun '05 4:35PM
4678 Posts
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Member Since
7th Apr '03
Been looking forward to this thread - best of luck guys!

  

General*
Windows Bob - the best!
Thu 9th Jun '05 7:24PM
4213 Posts
General's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
what what what?
    

Amanshu*
Giggity Giggity goo
Thu 9th Jun '05 7:27PM
2708 Posts
Amanshu's Avatar
Member Since
25th Aug '04
What took you so long? I've been expecting this all this week!



General interjected with

what what what?




Ah that is the joy you are soon to discover,
I'd say more, but I'd blow their cover...
   

Spanners*
Misses his big brother :(
Fri 10th Jun '05 12:11AM
4597 Posts
Spanners's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
Bon voyage. Hope the feet last out
    

Clara
Even red onions have a silver lining
Fri 10th Jun '05 8:29AM
838 Posts
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Member Since
27th Sep '04
Oooohhhh, I await tales of great adventure!
 

Malcolm*
My ape goosed a Bishop. Who are you?
Fri 10th Jun '05 11:24PM
1673 Posts
Malcolm's Avatar
Member Since
3rd Jun '03
Day 1, 11.11 pm.
Here we are then! Malcolm is currently gluing velcro on to his bag, and Kelly is trying to type this with minimal interaction with her feet due to having developed Very Unpleasant Blisters before the first five miles were over, and walking the rest of the distance with no shoes.

Today we went to Tescos, walked through several fields with odd plants:



(if anyone can identify this crop, we'd be very grateful!), got past a horse, saw two probable farmers, were diverted due to highway reconstruction, were turned away from two guesthouses we thought we'd booked, and had pizza.

We also encountered a Very Supportive Barman and several of his Very Enthusiastic Friends (plus some of his Very Tasty But Reasonably Priced Pints).

Interesting Sight Sighted At Destination:


Kelly's socks upon arrival:


So far, so good.

Current latitude: 53.88530
Current longitude: -1.26915
Current altitude: 195 feet
Distance travelled: 12.18 miles
If we hadn't gone to Tesco, found a pharmacist in Copmanthorpe and been diverted around various A64 redevelopment-related shenanigans, distance would have been: About 9 miles
Distance Kelly travelled with no shoes: 7.7 miles
   

Kelly*
Poke me in the knees and call me Roger
Fri 10th Jun '05 11:28PM
758 Posts
Kelly's Avatar
Member Since
4th Oct '03
Day Two, 2:22pm

We are now delighted to announce that:

Kelly has more shoes.

Bought from a peculiarly elderly man in a peculiarly ramshackled sports shop. Together with a selection of Tadcaster's finest plasters,
Kelly is now fully bipedal again.

Currently sitting here on a log at the top of a hill, next to an enormous gated woodland area, with a small Planning Application sign requesting permission to hold the Leeds Festival here!

Current latitude: 53.86679
Current longitude: -1.39679
Current altitude: 446 feet
Distance travelled: 19 miles
   

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Fri 10th Jun '05 11:39PM
4678 Posts
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Member Since
7th Apr '03
Eek, I thought that was blood on the socks for a minute!

Anyways, glad you're doing OK - look after those tootsies! And don't forget about the soap/leather trick on the first pair in case you need to swap again tomorrow.

Can't believe I managed not to mention this to the folks tonight... you crazy kids you

See you soon!
  

Malcolm*
My ape goosed a Bishop. Who are you?
Sat 11th Jun '05 4:50PM
1673 Posts
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Member Since
3rd Jun '03
Day two, 11:38pm

We have now completed the Tadcaster - Leeds section of our jaunt, and arrived here.

Since our previous update, we have encountered (among other things):
the villages of Bramham, Thorney and Shadwell (which included several small children in Darth Vader outfits and tried its very hardest to prevent us from buying the ice cream which we so richly deverved, until we almost resorted to stealing it from a passing Darthlet); an elderly dog, a castle atop a hill in a park, the most beautifully kept public footpath in the land, which included this sign:

and miles upon miles of warehouses, including lingerie, hosiery and automotive parts.

We have also just returned from a Thai meal bought for us by a delightful couple named Paul and Roy.

Current latitude: 53.794528
Current longitude: -1.543134
Distance travelled: 32 miles
   

Kelly*
Poke me in the knees and call me Roger
Sat 11th Jun '05 4:53PM
758 Posts
Kelly's Avatar
Member Since
4th Oct '03
Day Three, 1:04pm
Just a quick note from a bench in New Farnley: here .

On our way we saw this:


We can currently see several piles of soil, some chavs to the left, and a VE day celebration directly in front. We think it may be a village green.


Current latitude: 53.77629
Current longitude: -1.62215
Current altitude: 601 feet
Distance travelled: 32 miles
   

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Sat 11th Jun '05 7:24PM
4678 Posts
Demian's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03


Kelly was bold enough to comment:






So, you've got as far as Bosnia then...
  

Malcolm*
My ape goosed a Bishop. Who are you?
Sun 12th Jun '05 1:24PM
1673 Posts
Malcolm's Avatar
Member Since
3rd Jun '03
Day three, 10:40pm

A comfortable guest house with a pleasant lady owner and her humble husband proovided necessary restoration and succour for our travellers today. Following a day of fighting off malcontent horses, battling through undergrowth to avoid further malcontent horses, climbing over piles of rubble to escape malcontent horses:



And also: getting lost due to confusion caused by a golf course, accidentally standing in a stream, having tea in a little chef, resorting to beer at lunchtime (which fell at 4pm in fact due to too many malcontent horses), meeting two surprisingly helpful, polite and generous chavs, and climbing over a dry stone wall to avoid a malcontent horse, our friendly travellers were altogether rather exhausted and fed up of bloody horses by the time they reached the Bradford ringroad and, seven miles later, their destination.

It seemed dinner in the local pub was the only solution, after, of course, laying down our burden of luggage here. A parsnip and carrot crumble along with some Cobra soon restored our energy and spirits, and we retired to the guest house far cheerier than we arrived. We can only pray that tomorrow will be less filled with malcontent horses.

Latitude: 53.75507
Longitude: -1.81495
Altitude: 999 feet
Miles walked: 49.9
Soup of the Day: tomato
   

Clara
Even red onions have a silver lining
Mon 13th Jun '05 8:28AM
838 Posts
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Member Since
27th Sep '04


Kelly was bold enough to comment:

We can currently see several piles of soil, some chavs to the left, and a VE day celebration directly in front. We think it may be a village green.




"Chavs to the left of me, malcontent horses to the right. Here I am, stuck in the middle with you!"

You're seeing all the local wildlife then! Hope Kelly's feet are still attached to her...
 

Kelly*
Poke me in the knees and call me Roger
Mon 13th Jun '05 11:11AM
758 Posts
Kelly's Avatar
Member Since
4th Oct '03
Day four, 11:37pm

Today's stage of our expedition has, for the most part, been most gratifying indeed. We are currently stationed here in a charmingly well-appointed hotel; our quarters enjoy a splendid view including the hotel's helipad and a panoramic aspect of the outskirts of Huddersfield (more of which later).

We are delighted to announce that, thus far, our party is in good spirits. Professor Kellyson has made a full and speedy recovery from her recent episode of scurvy of the ankle, and Professor Malcolmson remains in fine fettle with the constitution of an ox. Our navigational skills have come on leaps and bounds; indeed, our progress in that respect was only briefly hampered today by encountering (in what we believed to be the West Yorkshire town of Brighouse) the following sign:


There was, however, one brief setback during our walk along a stretch of this canal:


Our radio equipment was damaged while falling down a hill, and became completely detached from its ariel. Fortunately, Professor Malcolmson was able to effect a makeshift repair using a pen-knife and a small amount of foil that had been discarded on the canal bank by a passer-by with no regard for the environment.

Finally, however, (after a three-mile stretch of mostly uphill walking amid driving rain), we arrived at this exquisite outpost.

Postscript: During the writing of this account, it has come to our attention that Huddersfield is flickering. From our window we can see a picturesque scene of the lights of a distant city arranged on the side of a hill; only, they are flickering. All of them. In unison. We remain baffled as to the explanation, but would be most relieved to hear any theories offered.

Current latitude: 53.64820
Current longitude: -1.6984
Current altitude: 1284 feet
Distance travelled: 66.1 miles
Highest altitude reached today: 1309 feet
Most inexplicable agricultural contraption:
   

Amanshu*
Giggity Giggity goo
Mon 13th Jun '05 1:16PM
2708 Posts
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Member Since
25th Aug '04


Kelly was bold enough to comment:

Distance travelled: (please add 15.2 to previous total!)



I make it 66.1 miles, but that's just me!
   

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Mon 13th Jun '05 6:01PM
4678 Posts
Demian's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
I should point out that Kelly and Malcolm are unable to respond to comments until they arrive at their destination, as the portable internet they're carrying won't let them post here - Spaners is posting the entries up as fast as they email them in to us!

Go Team Mally! Or Kelcolm!

  

BrightonBabe
Would you like to see me blink? It really is quite impressive.
Mon 13th Jun '05 9:30PM
894 Posts
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Member Since
25th Aug '03
Wow i cant believe i missed this thread it was only thanx to Spanners i found it
Well Good Luck i now truly think your mad hehe ( u know i luv ya both really )
kEEP SMILING AND SINGING OF COURSE

Ummm Interesting !!!!
 

Malcolm*
My ape goosed a Bishop. Who are you?
Tue 14th Jun '05 11:12AM
1673 Posts
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Member Since
3rd Jun '03
Day five, ten thirty pm.

After arriving at last night's destination in the driving rain, our weary travellers could have been forgiven for wishing for brigter weather to see them through today's journey. However, it was not to be. An omen of the day's tidings was in evidence at the very beginning of the day, in the form of this horrific vision on the hotel wall:



and the whole day was then spent battling not only the Mighty Pennines but also driving wind and rain, only made worse by the altitude. Having been promised clement conditions our friends had packed no coats. What folly. Only a gentleman's tailor in the canal-side town of Slaithwaite (quaintly pronounced 'Slathwaite' by the simple yet kind hearted locals) could relieve our travellers of their shivering and low spirits. However, low spirits soon returned as a result of an extremely disapppointing Millionaire Slice in Marsdon, the next town down from Slaithwaite.

Never to be deterred, all the same, our heros intrepidly faced the pennine ahead of them, putting aside their misery at the unsatisfactory fancy. The rain and wind growing ever harder and more hostile, soon they had no choice but to listen to 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' using a cunning device constructed of a shower radio and low-powered but nontheless illegal broadcasting machines.

The rain and wind pounded on. Miss K.'s trousers finally becoming almost entirely stuck to her legs, respite and succour were sought at a wayside inn. However, the inn was empty, all lights turned off, and a lone sheep provided the only company. On our travellers went, their spirits never lower. However, they could not have concieved of the simple act of pure human kindness that was to restore them. Soon they arrived at another wayside inn, but seeing the lights off gave only a cursory push at the door before turning around and trudging on. Suddenly, a voice called from behind, beckoning the travellers back. Hot soup, tea and the chance to warm themselves by the open log fire were offered by the friendly innkeepers despite the closed nature of their inn, and our Ms K. And Mr M. were revived.

Only a few short miles brought the travellers to their final destination, here. At this point, our moistened band of voyagers looked very much like this:



and in spite of the disappointing bathroom and the presence of the following object in their bedchambers:



a much needed rest was taken. We can only wonder what lies ahead for Mr M. and Ms K. in tomorrow's installment.

Current latitude: 53.56914
Current longitude: -1.98938
Current altitude: 868 feet
Distance travelled: 75.9 miles
   

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Tue 14th Jun '05 4:54PM
4678 Posts
Demian's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
I just received a rather lovely picture postcard from Slaithwaite, and the ink hasn't even run! Thanks guys!

What a heartwarming tale of human kindness overcoming the elements. Shame you got so drowned though. That is quite a hilarious picture however
  

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Tue 14th Jun '05 11:15PM
4678 Posts
Demian's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
Tomorrow I shall be joining the eminent Melly and Kalcolm for some of the final leg of this historic trek
  

Spanners*
Misses his big brother :(
Tue 14th Jun '05 11:37PM
4597 Posts
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Member Since
7th Apr '03
Wow, that's taken some doing. Congrats both!
I was watching the weather forecast from the safety of my warm, dry office yesterday and realised that M&K were somewhere below the huge expanse of cloud that had recently arrived in from the north. There was no envy going on at that moment but hey, you're bigger men than I
    

General*
Windows Bob - the best!
Tue 14th Jun '05 11:40PM
4213 Posts
General's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
Behold the glory of Manchester!
    

BrightonBabe
Would you like to see me blink? It really is quite impressive.
Wed 15th Jun '05 7:56AM
894 Posts
BrightonBabe's Avatar
Member Since
25th Aug '03
Wow well done so nearly there keep on going

Ummm Interesting !!!!
 

Kelly*
Poke me in the knees and call me Roger
Wed 15th Jun '05 11:37AM
758 Posts
Kelly's Avatar
Member Since
4th Oct '03
Day Six, 11:56pm

Today began with the continuous rain that we have come to know and love - like a faithful friend that is always by our side through thick and thin, road and pennine. Indeed, between 3:00pm Day Four and 12:00pm Day Six, there was no point at which we were both outdoors and not being rained upon.

As we scaled the heights of Saddleworth Moor, however, we found that a careful selection of music did much to elevate the mood. Meatloaf's seminary classic "Bat Out Of Hell", for example, is entirely appropriate while walking uphill in the rain, whereas "The Hustle" by Van McCoy is of course a more prudent choice for walking roughly horizontally at high altitudes in the rain. Of course, it goes without saying that Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" is entirely decorous for all forms of walking in the rain, and many categories of non-rain walking as well.

So, it was in this style that we departed from the final of our Big Three Silly Named Places (in chronological order, Shelf, Scapegoat Hill, and Diggle) and continued towards the much more sensibly named Manchester city centre. In fact we are currently corresponding with you from here. The aim of our jaunt, for those of you who were't aware, was to go and stay with The Pharoah, who lives roughly here, having walked the entire route. Furthermore, we thought we'd add a little extra spice and intrigue to the proceedings by keeping our mode of transport as a surprise from her, whilst simultaneously posting details of it to this forum. So far we've managed 6 days and she hasn't logged on yet...

So, our route today concluded with a walk across most of Oldham (which, for the most part, seems best avoided) and then along a canal into the centre of this fair city. On reaching the end of the canal we had a jubilant moment when we saw this sign:



And this is what the canal looked like at that particular spot:



Finally, amid shouts of hooray, we arrived at our hotel and were
greeted with this:



Oh yes.

So, tomorrow just holds a final five-mile walk along the main road to Pharoahville, during which we will indeed be partially accompanied by Demian. If anyone else feels like stationing themselves along Wilmslow Road, South Manchester, to cheer us on, please do!

Current latitude: 53.47884
Current longitude: -2.23756
Current altitude: 421 feet (we're on the fourth floor!)
Distance travelled: 90.1 miles
   

Clara
Even red onions have a silver lining
Wed 15th Jun '05 3:50PM
838 Posts
Clara's Avatar
Member Since
27th Sep '04


Kelly was bold enough to comment:

"The Hustle" by Van McCoy is of course a more prudent choice for walking roughly horizontally at high altitudes in the rain.



I shall remember that for future walking expeditions in violent weather. Congrats to both of you! I feel this has set a benchmark for future daddy.org adventures. I shall name it the 'Kelcolm Scale', measured of course on a 'Kelcolmometer'.
 

Amanshu*
Giggity Giggity goo
Wed 15th Jun '05 4:26PM
2708 Posts
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Member Since
25th Aug '04


Clara was bold enough to comment:



Kelly was bold enough to comment:

I feel this has set a benchmark for future daddy.org adventures. I shall name it the 'Kelcolm Scale', measured of course on a 'Kelcolmometer'.



Now I feel sorry for the potential Mally's of the world. Can't it be the 'Mally scale' measured on a Kelcolmometer? Or the 'Kelcolm Scale' measured on a Mallyometer? Okay, scratch that, a Mallyometer sounds stupid...



Hmmm... maybe the units of the Kelcolm Scale could be Mally's? I'd guess they'd be measured on a scale of 1-10, or maybe they could be exponential, like the richter scale...
   

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Wed 15th Jun '05 5:04PM
4678 Posts
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Member Since
7th Apr '03
Day 7 - The Demian Perspective

Well, I met up with K&M in a swaying coffee shop suspended above a mall-type affair I'd never bothered going into before. Kelly was panicking at the fact the room was moving whilst being unable to speak with a sore throat! After coffee and applying 3 types of medication to Kelly (I may not know much but I know my pharmaceuticals!), we headed south. I accompanied them for about 2 of the last 5 miles, at which point we reached the home of curries (if you ignore Bradford, Birmingham, and that whole 'Asia' thing) - Rusholme! - where lunch was had and then I departed west to my house while K&M finished off the last 3 miles south to The Pharaoh's.

Both were looking much cheerier than I expected - despite numerous setbacks and the worst luck ever with the weather, they came through triumphantly, with Malcolm even mentioning possible future expeditions!

Also, something about walking 95 miles through the wind and rain and countryside, eschewing modern methods of transportation, with a waterproof GPS attached to the top of one's rucksack (containing short-range audio broadcasting equipment and handheld internet), amused me greatly

Well done guys! Now get Kelly wrapped up warm to recover and try not to get rained on for a few days!
  

General*
Windows Bob - the best!
Wed 15th Jun '05 5:23PM
4213 Posts
General's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
Well done guys.
    

BrightonBabe
Would you like to see me blink? It really is quite impressive.
Wed 15th Jun '05 8:00PM
894 Posts
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Member Since
25th Aug '03
yay well done - a good dinner from the Pharoah will sort out any coughs and colds

Ummm Interesting !!!!
 

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