Home Search First Look Rules Help TheDaddy.org BlogLogin/Register
A man may stand on a mountain with his mouth open for 1000 years before a duck flies in.
The Limerick Thread! - 1 to 19
Return To Best of TheDaddy.org You cannot post to the Archive!

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Tue 2nd Sep '03 9:28PM
4678 Posts
Demian's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
You don't have to write them yourself as long as they're funny.


There was a young lady named Alice
Who peed in a Catholic chalice.
She said "I do this
From a great need to piss -
And not from sectarian malice."


There once was an old man named Hass
Whose bollocks were made out of brass
When they tinkled together
They played 'Stormy Weather'
And lightning shot out of his ass.


There once was a man from Kildaire
Who was doing his wife on the stair
When the bannister broke
He doubled his stroke
And finished her off in midair.


..and YAY a clean one

There once was a lion called Ned
Who looked out of his window and said
"Needle Nidle Noo
And Ticky Tacky Too"
And then he went back to bed.


one for the Watershed regulars:

There once was a young man named Gene
Who invented a curious machine
Concave or convex
It could fit either sex
And attachments for those inbetween.


A couple for the true geeks amongst us:

Integral z-squared dz
From one to the cube root of three
Times the cosine
Of three pi over nine
Equals log of the cuberoot of e


The mosquito cried out in pain:
"Science has poisoned my brain!"
The cause of his sorrow
Was paradichloro
diphenyltrichloroethane.


And to return to true limerick form...

A most naughty young lady called Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her anus near Buckingham Palace.

I'm so sorry
  

Swoop*
CHIMPO
Tue 2nd Sep '03 10:07PM
1558 Posts
Swoop's Avatar
Member Since
9th Apr '03
A man who was asked out to dinner,
Came home looking hungry and thinner;
He said, "Don't look baffled,
The dinner was raffled,
And somebody else was the winner."
[Spike Milligan]


There once was a rather tall sparrow
Whose forelegs were gangly and narrow
He was eager to please
So he sawed of his knees,
And now he rides round in a barrow
[not Spike Milligan]
 

Jay21000
Jay21000 has left the building
Wed 3rd Sep '03 3:19AM
Goodbye Avatar
Spanners forums they're so great
I checked 'em out to after I ate
With so much choice
It gave me a voice
To say all the things I hate.

Sadly, very sadly - that is the best I can do!

General*
Windows Bob - the best!
Wed 3rd Sep '03 2:53PM
4213 Posts
General's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03

Demian was bold enough to comment:


A couple for the true geeks amongst us:

Integral z-squared dz
From one to the cube root of three
Times the cosine
Of three pi over nine
Equals log of the cuberoot of e


Demian you stand accused of submitting a lymeric with an American rhyme!
How do you plead?
    

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Wed 3rd Sep '03 5:40PM
4678 Posts
Demian's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03

General was bold enough to comment:

Demian you stand accused of submitting a lymeric with an American rhyme!
How do you plead?



RAVISHING!

Failing that, haw about Plagiaristic License?
  

Phild
Big Daddy
Wed 3rd Sep '03 5:57PM
62 Posts
Phild's Avatar
Member Since
4th May '03
Just get the cobwebs off this one............





There was a young man from Leeds
who swallowed a packet of seeds
In less than an hour his dick was a flower
and his arse was covered with weeds
 

Jog_Eerie
All this thinking has gone to our heads
Thu 4th Sep '03 12:22PM
366 Posts
Jog_Eerie's Avatar
Member Since
15th Apr '03
http://www.herald.co.uk/~mel/limerick.html

For all your alien limerick needs:

Bur bel jentzal zinbiz sapar
Kei tze brazaun tenhoi dar
La lame gatzbo
Le airitonwo
Izbuz ruhestan jar xer bar
 

BrightonBabe
Would you like to see me blink? It really is quite impressive.
Thu 4th Sep '03 7:21PM
894 Posts
BrightonBabe's Avatar
Member Since
25th Aug '03
There once was a man named Screwy Dick,
A man who was born with a spiral prick.
His life was spent in one long hunt
to find the girl with the spiral cunt.
When he found her he dropped dead,
'cause that damn bitch had left hand thread!!!

 

Spanners*
Misses his big brother :(
Fri 5th Sep '03 9:36AM
4595 Posts
Spanners's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03

Brightonbabe was bold enough to comment:

There once was a man named Screwy Dick,
A man who was born with a spiral prick.
His life was spent in one long hunt
to find the girl with the spiral cunt.
When he found her he dropped dead,
'cause that damn bitch had left hand thread!!!



Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
    

BrightonBabe
Would you like to see me blink? It really is quite impressive.
Fri 5th Sep '03 11:21AM
894 Posts
BrightonBabe's Avatar
Member Since
25th Aug '03
What im very confused - im innocent remember
 

General*
Windows Bob - the best!
Fri 5th Sep '03 11:57AM
4213 Posts
General's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03

Brightonbabe was bold enough to comment:

There once was a man named Screwy Dick,
A man who was born with a spiral prick.
His life was spent in one long hunt
to find the girl with the spiral cunt.
When he found her he dropped dead,
'cause that damn bitch had left hand thread!!!



MY EYES MY EYES!
    

Jay21000
Jay21000 has left the building
Sat 6th Sep '03 3:18AM
Goodbye Avatar

Brightonbabe was bold enough to comment:

There once was a man named Screwy Dick,
A man who was born with a spiral prick.
His life was spent in one long hunt
to find the girl with the spiral cunt.
When he found her he dropped dead,
'cause that damn bitch had left hand thread!!!




WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH BRIGHTONBABE... LET HER GO!!!!!

Jay21000
Jay21000 has left the building
Sat 6th Sep '03 3:19AM
Goodbye Avatar

Brightonbabe was bold enough to comment:

What im very confused - im innocent remember




And I'm a Rabbi....

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Sun 7th Sep '03 10:47PM
4678 Posts
Demian's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
Well, I enjoyed it.

It doesn't scan and there are too many lines, but it contains a useful moral message.


Also:

My dorky ex-roommate Pierre
Once fell asleep in my chair
I pulled out my unit
Proceeded to tune it
And fired my load in his hair

I'm told of a Bishop of Birmingham,
Who buggered young boys while confirming them,
To roars of applause,
He tore down their drawers,
And pumped the episcopal sperm in 'em.

There once was a lady from Nizus,
Who had breasts of two different sizes,
One was small,
and round like a ball
And the other was big and won prizes

Said a woman with open delight,
My pubic hair's perfectly white.
I admit there's a glare,
But the fellows don't care
They locate it more quickly at night.

There once was a young man from Sparta,
Who was an incredible farter.
At the strength of one bean,
He'd play "God Save the Queen",
And Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata".
  

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Sun 7th Sep '03 11:15PM
4678 Posts
Demian's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
Sorry for double posting, but I had to share these too:

There once was a lady from Exeter,
So pretty that men craned their necks at her.
One was even so brave
As to take out and wave
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.

There was a young whore from kaloo
Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
"If they pay to get in,
They can pay to get out again too!"
  

Hot Circle Lodge Lifeguard
Hot Circle Lodge Lifeguard has left the building
Wed 17th Sep '03 12:52PM
Goodbye Avatar
i'm surprised no one has yet posted the one from bridget jones' diary:

there was a young lady from ealing
who had a perculiar feeling
she lay on her back
and opened her crack
and pissed all over the ceiling

Hot Circle Lodge Lifeguard
Hot Circle Lodge Lifeguard has left the building
Wed 17th Sep '03 1:01PM
Goodbye Avatar
a man looked at his girlfriend in bed
she was so fine he went out of his head
he tried to resist
and just give her a kiss
but rogered her senseless instead

Jay21000
Jay21000 has left the building
Fri 19th Sep '03 2:48AM
Goodbye Avatar
Ladies and gentlemen.... I introduce my girlfriend (otherwise known as friend with benefits) to the group.

I honestly didn't know she was like this!!! Well, I kinda found out anyway so......

General*
Windows Bob - the best!
Thu 9th Oct '03 3:53PM
4213 Posts
General's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
Demian, sorry for taking this out of the goldmine about 10 minutes after you put it in but......

THERES PRIZES TO BE HAD!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/3177418.stm
    

Bookmark With: Post to DiggDigg   Post to DeliciousDelicious   Post to RedditReddit   Post to FacebookFacebook   Post to StumbleuponStumbleupon
Return To Best of TheDaddy.org You cannot post to the Archive!

Time Zone is Greenwich Mean Time You are Visible
Html Tags are On Smileys are On
Anonymous Posting is Not AllowedMagina is The Daddy