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Clara
Even red onions have a silver lining
Tue 29th Nov '05 5:01PM
838 Posts
Clara's Avatar
Member Since
27th Sep '04


Malcolm was bold enough to comment:

Over to Clara, who spins a 5 and ALSO lands on the route choice. Your decision, Clara? You too have received a racehorse, resale value 3,000.




Short route please Mr Malcolm. Fingers crossed...
 

Swoop*
CHIMPO
Tue 29th Nov '05 10:46PM
1558 Posts
Swoop's Avatar
Member Since
9th Apr '03
I'll go for the lower route I think please, in an attempt to zoom past the whole sorry loop in the quickest time possible, and head on to happier pastures.
 

Malcolm*
My ape goosed a Bishop. Who are you?
Wed 30th Nov '05 10:45AM
1673 Posts
Malcolm's Avatar
Member Since
3rd Jun '03
OK - Swoop spins a 10, entirely bypassing the Short Route and landing on "Your oldest child marries. Pay 25,000 for wedding. You must be so proud.

...and that's about as far as we can take things without Arabstrap's route decision. What's it to be, Mr. Rabstrap?
   

Arabstrap
Daddy-licious
Wed 30th Nov '05 1:10PM
215 Posts
Arabstrap's Avatar
Member Since
16th Jun '05
sorry for the delay, folks. had a book signing to attend in light of my recent best seller; "Wine: The Shortest Route To Pretention". It's a romantic comedy set on Christmas island, shortly after the neuclear bomb tests.

Long route please, Malc.


haven't seen this guy for a while.

a thumb, of gigantic proportions!

Malcolm*
My ape goosed a Bishop. Who are you?
Wed 30th Nov '05 1:43PM
1673 Posts
Malcolm's Avatar
Member Since
3rd Jun '03
Arabstrap, then, spins a 2 and hurtles to "Buy a new car. Pay 30,000." Hope it uses renewable fuel, Arabstrab.

Clara also spins a 2, taking her to "Set up an art gallery. Pay 50,000." Good luck in your venture, Clara... and in a further exciting twist, the money goes to our own resident artist, Mildred!

Kelly spins ANOTHER 2, proceeds along the long route and lands on "Discard one Status Symbol to pay off debts." Poor old debt-ridden Kelly. Which status symbol d'you fancy discarding? Luxury yacht or Rolls Royce?

Mildred spins a 3 and lands on "Invest in new technology. Pay 35,000." It's a veritable fiscal rollercoaster ride for Mildred these days. The 35,000 goes to Kelly - does that make the news better or worse?
   

Mildred
Daddy-licious
Wed 30th Nov '05 2:35PM
212 Posts
Mildred's Avatar
Member Since
13th Sep '04


Malcolm was bold enough to comment:
OK - Swoop spins a 10, entirely bypassing the Short Route and landing on "Your oldest child marries. Pay 25,000 for wedding. You must be so proud.



Gosh, Swoop may be a granddad before we know it! Congratulations to Julia or Death Crow or whichever one of them it is
 

Kelly*
Poke me in the knees and call me Roger
Wed 30th Nov '05 2:43PM
758 Posts
Kelly's Avatar
Member Since
4th Oct '03
Damn you all, I have no debts!

I will discard my rolls roys. It was crap anyway, and I never liked it, so I don't care. And it had Arabstrap's germs on it, so now the rest of you have his germs cause you took it away from me but I don't care - ha ha ha, Arabstrap's germs.

And so on.
   

Arabstrap
Daddy-licious
Thu 1st Dec '05 10:55AM
215 Posts
Arabstrap's Avatar
Member Since
16th Jun '05


Kelly was bold enough to comment:
Damn you all, I have no debts!

I will discard my rolls roys. It was crap anyway, and I never liked it, so I don't care. And it had Arabstrap's germs on it, so now the rest of you have his germs cause you took it away from me but I don't care - ha ha ha, Arabstrap's germs.

And so on.



i'll have you know, smelly kelly, my 'germs' are infact 'friendly bacteria'.

Kelly*
Poke me in the knees and call me Roger
Thu 1st Dec '05 11:03AM
758 Posts
Kelly's Avatar
Member Since
4th Oct '03


Arabstrap was bold enough to comment:

i'll have you know, smelly kelly, my 'germs' are infact 'friendly bacteria'.



Friendly bacteria my arse. I once saw one of your germs attack Mother Theresa!
   

Malcolm*
My ape goosed a Bishop. Who are you?
Thu 1st Dec '05 11:24AM
1673 Posts
Malcolm's Avatar
Member Since
3rd Jun '03
Alright, alright - enough with the microbe insults!

Let's see if we can calm things down by returning to the game.

Spanners spins a 3, whisking him magically to "Share prices boom. Receive 160,000." Good GRIEF, Spanners - how do you do it?

Swoop next - spins an 8 and proceeds to "Option to purchase Status Symbol for 30,000". Mr. Swoop, will you purchase?

Arabstrap spins a 7 and lands on "Win a prize for industry. Receive 35,000." Well, aren't we all raking it in this round?

Clara spins a 4, taking her neatly to "Hire Rolls Royce. Pay one card owner 10,000." Sadly, since Kelly so frivolously discarded her Rolls Royce last turn, there is no available beneficiary so your 10,000 goes to the bank.

Back to Kelly, then, who spins a 4 and lands on - oh dear - "Lose a court case. Pay 78,000." And, sadly, there's no instruction to pay it to a lawyer, so even Kelly's professional credentials can't save her this time.

Mildred spins a 9 and thereby is presented with an enticing option: "Casino. Receive 20,000. Keep it or risk it for 150,000." Mildred, with your bank balance in the state it's in (55,500) this is a tricky decision - what's it to be?
   

Mildred
Daddy-licious
Thu 1st Dec '05 1:26PM
212 Posts
Mildred's Avatar
Member Since
13th Sep '04
Well, I've long since relinquished any last modicum of financial caution in relation to this game, so methinks I shall merrily gamble on this casino square - do you need me to specify 2 numbers?

If so, let the numbers be 2 and 4
 

Malcolm*
My ape goosed a Bishop. Who are you?
Thu 1st Dec '05 2:48PM
1673 Posts
Malcolm's Avatar
Member Since
3rd Jun '03
And the spinner is spun, and the number is.... EIGHT.

Very sorry, Mildred - looks like you lose again (financially).

Let's try to put this whole sorry incident behind us by continuing with Spanners's go. He spins a 5 and moves to "Good publicity helps your business. Receive 40,000." Heavens, Spanners - will your rapid acquisition of wealth ever end?

That now brings us back to Swoop, whose Status Symbol decision we are still awaiting. Swoop?
   

Spanners*
Misses his big brother :(
Thu 1st Dec '05 3:35PM
4597 Posts
Spanners's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03


Malcolm was bold enough to comment:
Heavens, Spanners - will your rapid acquisition of wealth ever end?



Hey, I was trying to give some of my fortune away to worthy causes but did I receive a brace of Haikus about the major imports and exports of Kasakhstan? Did I heckers like.
Maybe I'll hire me a minstrel instead...
    

Mildred
Daddy-licious
Thu 1st Dec '05 4:14PM
212 Posts
Mildred's Avatar
Member Since
13th Sep '04


Spanners was bold enough to comment:

Hey, I was trying to give some of my fortune away to worthy causes but did I receive a brace of Haikus about the major imports and exports of Kasakhstan? Did I heckers like.
Maybe I'll hire me a minstrel instead...



Oh Spanners, you and your voracious appetite for haiku!
Well I have been slaving over these all week (well, for the last four minutes at least), and I hope they fit the bill, but I don't really think I can accept any payment for them given that I'm handing them in a bit late

kazakhstan imports
eels, biscuits, jam - all these things,
promptly delivered.

kazakhstan exports
hairdressers, bicycles, gin;
out they go, chop chop.

p.s. you didn't say anything about the haikus being written in the realist mode - so they aren't
 

Swoop*
CHIMPO
Thu 1st Dec '05 4:49PM
1558 Posts
Swoop's Avatar
Member Since
9th Apr '03
I'll buy! Buy! Buy! Buy! Call Gerard, tell him to BUY! Where's my tie? I'm doing lunch with Perkins and Twyla at 12.
 

Spanners*
Misses his big brother :(
Sat 3rd Dec '05 9:56AM
4597 Posts
Spanners's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03


Mildred was bold enough to comment:

kazakhstan imports
eels, biscuits, jam - all these things,
promptly delivered.

kazakhstan exports
hairdressers, bicycles, gin;
out they go, chop chop.




That's some good haikuing right there. Given the tardiness I can't offer you the full 10 grand, however I shall revise my payment to 3983.54 each. Primarily just so Malcolm has to do some maths
    

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Sat 3rd Dec '05 4:52PM
4678 Posts
Demian's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03


Spanners was bold enough to comment:


Mildred was bold enough to comment:

kazakhstan imports
eels, biscuits, jam - all these things,
promptly delivered.

kazakhstan exports
hairdressers, bicycles, gin;
out they go, chop chop.




That's some good haikuing right there. Given the tardiness I can't offer you the full 10 grand, however I shall revise my payment to 3983.54 each. Primarily just so Malcolm has to do some maths




"Yay!"*







*muffled voice from the boot
  

Malcolm*
My ape goosed a Bishop. Who are you?
Sun 4th Dec '05 5:15PM
1673 Posts
Malcolm's Avatar
Member Since
3rd Jun '03



That's some good haikuing right there. Given the tardiness I can't offer you the full 10 grand, however I shall revise my payment to 3983.54 each. Primarily just so Malcolm has to do some maths



Your fiscal posturing holds no fear for me! Mildred, your bank balance has increased by 7967.08, and is now 63,467.08 .

Also: Swoop, you have purchased a luxury yacht with a resale value of 7,500. Hope you enjoy it as much as we all enjoyed those haikus!
   

Malcolm*
My ape goosed a Bishop. Who are you?
Sun 4th Dec '05 5:32PM
1673 Posts
Malcolm's Avatar
Member Since
3rd Jun '03
Anyway, let's continue: Spanners spins a 2 and lands on "Break a leg. Pay 30,000. There's no doctor in the house so your money goes into Malcolm's coffers. Ta very much!

Swoop spins a 3 and lands on the dreaded "Fall in oil prices. Pay 100,000 or hand in an oil well card." Sadly, Swoop, you are well-less - and therefore now 100,000 poorer. It's a harsh game, this...

Arabstrap spins another 3 and trips lightly to "Buy a house in the country. Pay 90,000." Dear me, there's a lot of this country house-buying going on these days.

Clara spins a 7 and lands on - crikey! - "Take two Life Insurance certificates from any player". At this stage in the game this could make all the difference... Clara, who's your benefactor to be?

Kelly spins a 5, landing on "Your oldest child marries. Pay 25,000 for wedding." Well, with all those legions of children I suppose it's no surprise.

Mildred spins a 10 and lands on... oh, good grief. Good very grief indeed. It's a biggie, this square - a biggie indeed. And, sadly, I don't have the time to discuss the full ramifications of it now. You'll have to wait a day or two.

Stay tuned...
   

Amanshu*
Giggity Giggity goo
Sun 4th Dec '05 11:36PM
2708 Posts
Amanshu's Avatar
Member Since
25th Aug '04
Ah ha! You're cunning attempt to leave us in tender hooks has absolutely no effect on me! I know exactly what square Mildred is on! It's this one:

Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! You're cunning plan has FAILED! Now everybody knows!
   

Clara
Even red onions have a silver lining
Mon 5th Dec '05 8:29AM
838 Posts
Clara's Avatar
Member Since
27th Sep '04


Malcolm was bold enough to comment:

Clara spins a 7 and lands on - crikey! - "Take two Life Insurance certificates from any player". At this stage in the game this could make all the difference... Clara, who's your benefactor to be?

Stay tuned...



I'm doing this purely on the person who has the most of the things, so I think Kelly will have to be my benefactor.

Sorry Kelly...
 

Mildred
Daddy-licious
Mon 5th Dec '05 1:09PM
212 Posts
Mildred's Avatar
Member Since
13th Sep '04


Malcolm was bold enough to comment:

Mildred spins a 10 and lands on... oh, good grief. Good very grief indeed. It's a biggie, this square - a biggie indeed. And, sadly, I don't have the time to discuss the full ramifications of it now. You'll have to wait a day or two.

Stay tuned...



Malcolm! I command thee to stop shilly-shallying, and get on with the game! Please unhook me from the tenter hooks on which you have cruelly hooked me!
Alas, I do believe you have gone off on a brief jaunt, and may be away from opportunities to post until AT LEAST TOMORROW!! (humph!)
Should I expire in the interim from excess of anticipation/cumulative nervous energy, it will be on your head (not literally, obviously)
Do enjoy your jaunt, however
 

Amanshu*
Giggity Giggity goo
Mon 5th Dec '05 1:19PM
2708 Posts
Amanshu's Avatar
Member Since
25th Aug '04
I'm guessing the square has something to do with life insurance policies, and he was waiting for Clara to reply before he could continue... but that could just be me!
   

Malcolm*
My ape goosed a Bishop. Who are you?
Tue 6th Dec '05 3:23PM
1673 Posts
Malcolm's Avatar
Member Since
3rd Jun '03
Ladies and gentlemen,

I have consulted the star charts and decided that the time is now right for me to reveal the square on which Mildred has landed, along with its ramifications. Or, to put it another way, I have returned from London and turned the computer on again. Either way, the upshot is:

Mildred. You have retired.

Retirement, you say? That sounds lovely, you say. And, indeed, it may be - unless you're in the financial situation in which poor Mildred finds herself. However, let's go through the retirement process bit by bit, for the benefit of all players.

Retirement
  1. They take another Status Symbol.
  2. They discard their career and salary cards (which means no more salary or tax).
  3. They receive 50,000 for each life insurance certificate they own.
  4. They receive 25,000 for each child they have.
  5. They must pay back each credit card they hold, at 50,000 each.

But what happens after retirement, I hear you ask? Well, there are another 26 spaces to go, and the vast majority of them require you to pay large sums of money or hand in a given Status Symbol card. This is where the Status Symbols really come into their own. If you succeed in getting through this stage and still have some cash left, congratulations! You get to wait in the Millionaire's Mansion until everyone else has finished. If you run out of cash on the way, you go straight to the Country Cottage and wait there until everybody's finished.

Millionaire's Mansion
Once you're in the Millionaire's Mansion, each go is very simple. You choose to bet either 20,000, 50,000 or 100,000 on two numbers, spin the spinner, and if they come up you receive 5 times your stake. Simple!

Country Cottage
If you end up in the Country Cottage, on each go you may choose two numbers to bet on for free. If your number comes up, you win 50,000.

The winner
is, simply, the person with the most cash left when everyone's finished. Eagle-eyed readers may have noticed that, theoretically, there's no reason why someone in the County Cottage couldn't win - but it's not that likely.

So, back to Mildred: you have no actual real children, so no income there. You also have no life insurance, so no income there. However, you are still holding a credit card, meaning you must pay 50,000. Your savings therefore stand at a worrying 31,467.08 . (Blame Spanners for the peculiar figure.) Your newly-acquired Status Symbol is a beach villa, with a resale value of 9,000.

So, you enter the financial quagmire of retirement with a little over 30,000. It's not all bad news, though - there are some squares ahead which may just save you - but we'll talk about that when they arrive.
   

Spanners*
Misses his big brother :(
Wed 7th Dec '05 4:21PM
4597 Posts
Spanners's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
Wow Mildred, the strain of raising those adopted pegs has aged you prematurely. Now it's just blue rinses, knitting and smelling faintly of wee for the rest of your days
    

Mildred
Daddy-licious
Wed 7th Dec '05 4:48PM
212 Posts
Mildred's Avatar
Member Since
13th Sep '04
Hooray, retirement here I come!

As for Spanners' suggestions for my new lifestyle, the knitting I can definitely do (knitting is pretty cool these days you know), but I think I will pass on the blue rinse and the smelling faintly of wee.

Instead, I am going to stock up massively on werther's original, buy a big stick to poke people with, don some flamboyant clothing and go prancing down the street at the drop of a hat. I might also start smoking a pipe .

I might as well enjoy myself before suffering the horrid financial calamities which are doubtless heading my way! Nevermind ending up in the Country Cottage, I shall be lucky to avoid finishing my days in the Urban Gutter, with my bank balance!
 

Malcolm*
My ape goosed a Bishop. Who are you?
Thu 8th Dec '05 10:36AM
1673 Posts
Malcolm's Avatar
Member Since
3rd Jun '03
OK - I think everyone's had time to absorb and consider Mildred's intriguing new situation. Let's continue.

Spanners spins a 7 and lands on... Oh crikey! Spanners, you've retired too! Mildred, you may wish to look away as we recount Spanners' retirement fortune:
Your new status symbol is a private jet, resale value 10,000.
  • You had 10 life insurance certificates, which are cashed in (and are therefore now available for other players to purchase), bringing you 500,000.
  • You also receive 25,000 per child, totalling 50,000.
  • You are therefore the first player to become a millionaire, with a total of 1,022,032.92. And four status symbols.

    But let's draw a veil over Spanners's obscene wealth for now and move on.

    Swoop also spins a 7, taking him to "Good publicity helps your business. Receive 40,000." Well done Swoop!

    Arabstrap spins a 3, landing on "Borrow antiques for an exhibition. Pay one card owner 15,000." Both Swoop and Clara have an antiques collection - who do you choose?

    Clara spins a 10 (Yes, a 10!), bringing her to "Share prices boom. Receive 160,000". Wow, what a profitable square!

    Kelly spins a 5, sending her wanging all the way to "Casino. Receive 20,000. Keep it or risk it for 200,000." What do you reckon, Kelly?
  •    

    Kelly*
    Poke me in the knees and call me Roger
    Thu 8th Dec '05 10:40AM
    758 Posts
    Kelly's Avatar
    Member Since
    4th Oct '03
    Hey! Quick! Hey!

    Start me on buying a life insurance every go again please!

    Especially since Clara's extremely inappropriate behaviour in stealing mine.
       

    Kelly*
    Poke me in the knees and call me Roger
    Thu 8th Dec '05 10:41AM
    758 Posts
    Kelly's Avatar
    Member Since
    4th Oct '03
    Ooops, just noticed you needed a response from me, didn't you? Got a bit carried away with the life insurance news.

    I shall gamble, I think.

    Can I have the numbers 3 and 10 please?
       

    Swoop*
    CHIMPO
    Thu 8th Dec '05 11:39AM
    1558 Posts
    Swoop's Avatar
    Member Since
    9th Apr '03
    I want some of those life insurance thingies too please. It's never too late to start taking care of yourself, that's what my old geography teacher used to say, in between eating slices of cake and trying to imagine smaller and smaller pogo sticks.
     

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