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Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Tue 17th Oct '06 5:09PM
4678 Posts
Demian's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
Actually this one is more of a dessert generation system than a recipe:

Demian's Infinitely Varied Banana Splits

Step 1: Go to the supermarket and buy a bunch of bananas, and some or all of the following:

Strawberry Sauce
Chocolate Sauce
Whipped Cream
Ice Cream
Ready-made custard (Little pots by Ambrosia, or make it yourself)
Chocolate Drops
Chopped Nuts (or chop 'em yourself)
Dried Blueberries (or other fruit)
Hundreds & Thousands
Smarties / M&Ms / Skittles etc
Honey (Acacia honey works well as it's light in flavour)
Anything else you fancy.

Step 2: Cut a banana in half lengthways, place in bowl.

Step 3: Drizzle with honey, sprinkle with cinammon

Step 4: Pour Custard, Ice Cream or Yoghurt on top

Step 5: Whipped Cream goes on next

Step 6: Sprinkle about 3-5 of the other ingredients over the top as the mood takes you

Step 7: Drizzle chocolate or strawberry sauce over the top!

And voila - there must be about 480,000 different desserts to try there, I'll leave the maths to someone else. Preparation time = 1 minute or so, and no cooking required. Steps 3-7 are all optional. Not exactly healthy, but probably better for you than a syrup sponge

The drawback is the initial investment needed for a good range of toppings, but once you've bought them, they'll last for ages and bananas are cheap as, well, bananas.


There's no pee in catheter!
Wed 18th Oct '06 10:31AM
811 Posts
Agentgonzo's Avatar
Member Since
8th Aug '06

Demian was bold enough to comment:
there must be about 480,000 different desserts to try there, I'll leave the maths to someone else ... Steps 3-7 are all optional.

Assuming that steps 3-7 are independantly optional and that all the 'or's therein are exclusive ors, I make it 4416 different deserts there (using just the listed ingredients)

Giggity Giggity goo
Wed 18th Oct '06 11:49AM
2708 Posts
Amanshu's Avatar
Member Since
25th Aug '04
Just using or's rather than exclusive or's I make it 86272.

But I've got a nagging feeling I've forgotten something...

Wed 18th Oct '06 12:45PM
212 Posts
Mildred's Avatar
Member Since
13th Sep '04
Why do the maths when you could be eating the dessert?!

Never let sums get in the way of a good pudding, that's my motto! Although the likelihood of me letting sums get in the way of anything, given my general reluctance to undertake any, is rather small to say the least.

On a serious note, though, what can you do if you have a horror of bananas?
I suppose just miss out the banana and eat the ice cream/toppings etc. by themselves....

There's no pee in catheter!
Wed 18th Oct '06 1:07PM
811 Posts
Agentgonzo's Avatar
Member Since
8th Aug '06

Agentgonzo was fantasic enough to comment:

Assuming that steps 3-7 are independantly optional and that all the 'or's therein are exclusive ors, I make it 4416 different deserts there (using just the listed ingredients)

I was using Smarties / M&Ms / Skittles etc as 1 item in the above calculation. If they are taken as 3 seperate items, I now make it 16176 (using exclusive ors).

Using and/or, I make it 43136, which is exactly half of Amanshu's 86272 (he took step 3 to be drizzle and/or sprinkle, bit I took it to be you must both sprinkle and drizzle, giving him twice as many combinations)

Mildred was bold enough to comment:
Why do the maths when you could be eating the dessert?!

I'm at work, so can't have the desert... but I can do the maths (and also because it was there)

Wed 18th Oct '06 1:24PM
215 Posts
Arabstrap's Avatar
Member Since
16th Jun '05

Mildred was wise enough to comment:

Never let sums get in the way of a good pudding, that's my motto!

Hear bloody hear!!!

I've got a very simple, yet very tasty 'open sauce' recipe:

2 Chicken breasts cut into strips (or some sort of soya/mycoprotein cubes for the veggies)
1 Red onion (cubed)
Sliced garlic (amount to taste, i use shitloads)
Clear honey

*The seasoning is open to interpretation, personally, i tend to go with 4/5 dried chillies, cayenne, paprika, salt, black pepper, thyme, oregano, and anything else that i happen to have lying around (lemon zest works quite well). Grind up with pestle and mortar. I've made this dish with a few off-the-shelf seasonngs and it works very well with most of them.

Preheat oven to about 225 (for a fan oven)

Bung the chicken, the onion and the garlic into a casserole dish, season the shit out of it, drizzle a generous amount of honey over the top, put lid on.
30 mins in oven with lid on, 30 mins with lid off.

Serve with your favorite source of starchy carbohydrates and veg an' ting. Sticky, spicy, chickeny and lovely.

Tough crowd...
Wed 18th Oct '06 2:57PM
10 Posts
Rand#'s has no Avatar
Member Since
18th Sep '06
For my simple recipe you wil need:

1 Loaf of bread cut into slices (minimum 1 slice);
1 Tin of Beans;

Place slices of bread into toaster. Whilst they are toasting, put beans into a pan and heat. When the toast pops, the beans will normally be hot enough but this depends on the model of toaster.

Place toasted bread slices onto a plate and cover with butter. Pour beans on top of buttered toast.


optical moose
Wed 18th Oct '06 5:15PM
2522 Posts
Diziet's Avatar
Member Since
20th Jul '05
Pot Noodle A La Diziet


one chicken and mushroom pot noodle
hot pepper sauce
chicken gravy granules
chicken stock
black pepper
cumin powder
curry powder
one uncut granary loaf
extra virgin olive oil
mustard seeds
lemon juice
half a lemon
fresh coriander


prepare the pot noodle paying extra attention to the instructions on the side. ignore the instruction that says 'add water to fill level' and fill it to the top.

add hot pepper sauce, chicken stock, black pepper, cumin powder, curry powder and then mix in the gravy granules until the contents of the pot go 'gloop'.

hack off two immense slices of granary bread. heat the olive oil in a pan. when its nice and hot, add the mustard seeds and a dash of lemon juice plus a small amount of cumin powder. get this mixture nice and sizzling and then chuck in the slices of bread. fry the bread until its crispy and then remove from the pan.

slice the fried bread diagonally and arrange on a plate in a pattern that is catching to the eye without seeming pretentious.

drizzle the pot noodle over the slices (it will probably be fairly congealed now, so you might need to use a drizzling tool, or a pneumatic drill in extreme cases)

garnish with fresh coriander, two slices of lemon and raw mushrooms.

to make a romantic meal for two, double all the ingredients and add a litre bottle of Lambrini.

Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Wed 18th Oct '06 5:31PM
4678 Posts
Demian's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
If you're ever in need of a quick-and-easy sauce to add some flavour to e.g. grilled chicken:

1 part lemon juice
2 parts honey
2 parts light soy sauce

1 part = roughly one teaspoon per person.

Mix up and microwave for a few seconds until it bubbles.

Pour on and enjoy. It's quite thin, but very flavourful so you don't need a lot.

Wed 18th Oct '06 10:40PM
I made chicken in plum sauce this weekend - sure it'd be better with duck, but I was using up stuff I had laying around, and quite frankly if you've got duck sitting in your fridge waiting for an excuse to be used you probably eat out at swanky restaurants all the time so you can afford to have delicious food going to waste in your fridge.

The sauce will make enough for two but, it was so full of plum goodness I had it all to myself. The measurements were estimates so you might want to lessen the sugar, or add more vinegar depending on your tolerance to sweet stuff.
So, you will need:

3 plums (ones with purple skins goddamit, if you're going to cook with plums use real ones)
150ml of water
100g of demerara sugar
2tbsp of port
2tbsp of rice wine vinegar
1tsp of ground cinnamon (don't try and be clever and add a 1/2in of cinnamon like I did because its an absolute bugger to fish out when it breaks apart and turns purple like everything else in the sauce)
2 shallots, chopped
2 mushrooms, chopped
1 chicken breast per person eating, cubed into 1 inch size chunks
1/2 cup of rice per person. (Basmati and Wild for the win) (and 1 cup of water per 1/2 cup of rice)
Black pepper (just because)

Bring the water to boil then pour in the sugar. Bring it down to a simmer and stir that concoction for about 5 mins. Don't be expecting syrup, the water will still be fluid at this stage - the plums will soon sort this out though.
Now chop your plums in half, take out the stone and put them skin side up into the sugary water.
Stir them about a bit, then throw in the port and cinnamon.
You can pretty much ignore this now, just go back to stir them and occasionally flip over the plums as and when you remember.

Set your rice cooking

Now in some olive oil brown the chicken cubes with some black pepper.
Once they're nice and brown put them to one side - don't worry about making an effort to keep them warm, just keep them by the hobs and they'll be fine.
Now fry your shallots and mushrooms, add some more olive oil if you need.
Once the shallots and mushrooms are browned to how you like them, put the chicken back into the pan and reduce the heat to as low as you can.

By this stage your plums should be breaking apart, mash them up with the business end of a wooden spoon and add the rice wine vinegar (taste test at this stage, if its too sweet add more vinegar until your happy, if you add too much vinegar however too bad, just pretend your eating pickled plums).

By now your chicken, shallots and mushrooms should be spot on, your rice should be nearly done, and your plums should be a nice thick sauce with nice clumps of plums.
Put the chicken and veg into the plum mixture and stir it up until its nicely coated.

Serve the chicken over the rice, giving yourself the majority of the sauce due to your kitchen based efforts.

It's your time you're wasting!
Wed 18th Oct '06 10:42PM
288 Posts
Feign's Avatar
Member Since
24th Dec '04

Anonymous was bold enough to comment:

Bah, my cookies have died.

It's your time you're wasting!
Wed 18th Oct '06 11:08PM
288 Posts
Feign's Avatar
Member Since
24th Dec '04
Ok, here's a very simple crumble recipe - I did this with plums, hence why I had some left about for the chicken thing, but it works just as well with stewed apple for the traditional style.

Serves 2 greedy people, or 3-4 not so greedy ones

You will need:

3 plums
50g unsalted butter, chopped into small cubes
50g plain flour
50g oats
25g light brown sugar
Ground Cinnamon to taste
Sliced almonds to taste
Maple syrup, as much as you can stand

Preheat the oven to gas mark 6, or the electric equivalent.
Chop your plums in half, lay skin side down in an oven proof dish - they should fit snug, if not you need more/less plums.
Drizzle maple syrup over them, and bang them in the oven.
Meanwhile, put the butter, flour, oats, sugar, and cinnamon into a mixing bowl and scrunch it all between your fingers until you have chunky crumbs (it'll make sense once you've done it, trust me).
Once you've your crumbs, throw in the almonds and mix them in with a spoon.
Once your plums have been in the oven for about 10-15mins, take them out and cover with the crumble mix, pour yet more maple syrup over the top and bake for about 15 mins, until the crumble is turning brown.

Serve with cream. I guess you could use custard, but that yellow gunk is just wrong.

Misses his big brother :(
Thu 19th Oct '06 11:17AM
4597 Posts
Spanners's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
Best roast spuds...ever!

Get 1 big spud per person.
Wash and leave skins on!
Cut up spuds into pieces with sides no longer than an inch.
Boil for 6-7 minutes, drain off the water, hold lid on the pan and lightly shake to ruffle up the outsides (helps crispify later)
Whack them into a baking pan and roll them in olive oil and fresh rosemary.
Put into an oven preheated to gas mark 6.
Cook for 40 minutes, giving them a little turn half way.

My ape goosed a Bishop. Who are you?
Thu 19th Oct '06 8:05PM
1673 Posts
Malcolm's Avatar
Member Since
3rd Jun '03
What a brilliant thread! Here's my offering:

Refried beans
Serves anything from 2-6 people depending on whether you just have it in tortilla wraps or add all sorts of other Mexicanesque things for a full-on fajita experience.

1 tin baked beans - really bogstandard ones will do fine
1 tin some other kind of beans. Red kidney is good, but black eye would be ok
1 onion
About 4 tablespoons lemon juice
About an egg-sized lump of tomato puree
Salt, preferably in big rock crystals
About 2 rounded teaspoons of mild chilli powder (could use much less hot chilli powder if necessary, but it's better to use loads of mild instead as it has all sorts of other spices & flavourings in it)
Fresh coriander (optional)
A heaped teaspoon of cumin
Some olive oil for frying

Chop the onion quite finely and fry it in the oil for a bit. You'll need a fairly steep-sided frying pan.

While the onion is frying, empty the two tins of beans into a sieve/colander and rinse, rinse, rinse away all the sauce etc from them.

When the onion's softened (but not overly cooked), chuck all the beans in there. Turn up the heat and generally wang the concoction around continuously. There'll be lots of hissing and sizzling, and the beans will gradually start to disintegrate and partially stick to the pan. This is ideal - keep scraping it off and stirring round.

When it's all got really very dry indeed, add the lemon juice and tomato puree and mix in thoroughly. All the while, the beans should still be gradually disintegrating - probably about half of them will be mashed by now and the rest will still look bean-like. This is how I like it, but if you prefer you could add a bit of water and apply a potato masher to it for complete puree action.

Add the chilli powder, cumin and salt, stir around for another couple of minutes, then add the optional coriander. From this point onwards, cook for as long as you like, maybe add a bit of water or maybe don't - all depends on the texture you fancy.

And that's it! Bravo! Like I said, goes with any Mexican-ish dish, or makes an excellent pate either hot or cold.

optical moose
Wed 22nd Nov '06 9:40PM
2522 Posts
Diziet's Avatar
Member Since
20th Jul '05
i'm about 15 minutes away from cooking my own steak and ale pie.

i'll let you know how it goes.

optical moose
Wed 22nd Nov '06 10:16PM
2522 Posts
Diziet's Avatar
Member Since
20th Jul '05
i am now post-pie and i can safely say i want to have sex with myself.

It's your time you're wasting!
Wed 22nd Nov '06 10:20PM
288 Posts
Feign's Avatar
Member Since
24th Dec '04
I stumbled across a nice fish pie in the Good Food mag t'other day and its a nice change from the standard variety of fish pies so here it is!

You will need,

A frying pan
An ceramic oven proof dish (no lid required)
A heat source to fry on
A grill

(Ingredients here are to serve one, double it as needed)

Olive Oil - enough to fry some onions in without leaving a dry pan.
1/2 a diced onion, white or red this recipe isn't fussy
1 clove of garlic, mushed up good
150g of chopped tomatoes (half a standard tin will do you)
100ml vegetable stock
A splash of fish sauce (if you have it, by no means essential)
Various herbs, I like to use thyme with this.
3 smoked mackerels
Toasted breadcrumbs
Parmesan cheese

Fry your onions in the olive oil for 5 mins, adding the garlic and herbs of choice about half way through.
Now add your stock, fish sauce, and tomatoes.
Stir it up and wait till it begins to bubble, then reduce the heat so it simmers for about 5 mins.
Whilst the sauce simmers flake the mackerel into chunks - now is a good time to placate any cats you may have. (I wish I had a cat )
Add the mackerel to the sauce and stir it all up until the flakes are broken down and the sauce is nice and thick.
Leave for about 2 mins.
Pour the fishy mixture into the oven proof dish and coat with breadcrumbs then the parmesan.
Shove the lot under the grill for 5 mins, or until the breadcrumbs are toast coloured.

Eat with a nice salad and several glasses of wine.

Takes about 20 mins to make in total, and the washing up is a doddle afterwards.

Giggity Giggity goo
Thu 23rd Nov '06 9:12AM
2708 Posts
Amanshu's Avatar
Member Since
25th Aug '04
Homemade Stilton Cheeseburgers:
1 onion, chopped finely
1 stick of celery, chopped finely
500g mince (meat or veggie)
1 tsp mixed herbs
1 tsp mustard
salt and pepper

50g stilton, crumbled

1. Chuck all of the ingredients except the stilton into a bowl and mash them together good.

2. Split the mix up into eight piles and make the piles roughly burger shaped.

3. Split the stilton between 4 of the burgers creating a pile in the middle. Cover with the other 4 burgers to create 4 monster burgers with a stilton centre.

4. Grill on a medium heat for about ten minutes or so until cooked.

I lost my toes in a game of blackjack
Tue 11th Sep '07 5:25PM
505 Posts
Mrsham's Avatar
Member Since
5th Jan '07
Sweet potato and pineapple curry

You need:

A few sweet potatoes, roughly chopped into chunks
Plenty of red lentils (uncooked)
Tin of pineapple
Tin of tomatoes
Some onion, fairly finely chopped
Some garlic
Some spices (I used tandoori masala, plonked in with the tomatoes, and garam masala at the end, as ground by Ladybird's mother)
Some chilli (I used crazy Caribbean chilli sauce ... I forget the brand ... it's pretty fearsome anyway)

Find your own quantities and proportions - I can't remember them!

1. Boil the potatoes and lentils until soft and lovely looking
2. Meanwhile fry the onion and garlic (and chillies if you're not using powder or sauce) until onions are translucent
3. Combine the cooked stuff, fry it together for a bit, but not too long
4. Shove in the tomatoes and any spices / powders / sauces you feel necessary
5. Allow to bubble away for a few minutes
6. Shove in the pineapple, including any juice (YUM)
7. Get some PESHWARI naans grilling, don't burn them like I did last night or you might be forced to go outside with the grill pan to clear the smoke, and then nearly trip over a hedgehog who decides to loiter on your kitchen doorstep

Serve it all up. Have it with rice if you like. It's nice.

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