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Jog_Eerie
All this thinking has gone to our heads
Tue 14th Oct '03 2:09PM
366 Posts
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15th Apr '03
We've had haikus and limericks now let's try a bit of prose. I'll start the story and anyone can join in and take it where they wish.

Here goes:

Once upon a time, in a land very far away, there was a small banana named Jerry.
Jerry liked being a banana very much. He enjoyed nothing more than hanging around all day in the sun or chilling with a bunch of his banana friends.
However, one day his peaceful life as a happy little fruit changed completely....


OK guys, take it from there!
 

Spanners*
Misses his big brother :(
Tue 14th Oct '03 2:23PM
4597 Posts
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7th Apr '03
...When he met Michael the Monkey. Michael was a much bigger kid and had arms and legs which gave him a distinct mobility advantage over Jerry who could really only just lie there looking yellow and causing other surrounding fruits to ripen quicker.
Michael immediately started bragging about being the head bully in his last school from which he was expelled for eating several of his banana classmates. Jerry saw trouble ahead...
    

Hot Circle Lodge Lifeguard
Hot Circle Lodge Lifeguard has left the building
Tue 14th Oct '03 4:13PM
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one day, quite innocently, jerry was talking with a mango, a guava and a couple of bananas, when he accidentally bumped into michael the monkey.
michael the monkey span round to face jerry.
'what do you think you're doing?'
'i'm really sorry, i didn't mean to...'
'you bet you'll be sorry. i'll make you wish youd never been grown'
just then the teacher, a praticularly large and poisenous spider, happened to be walking by.
'is there any trouble here?'
'no miss,' they both mumbled.
'well, move along then.'
michael started to walk away, but threw a glance over his shoulder. jerry knew he hadn't heard the end of this...

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Tue 14th Oct '03 6:13PM
4678 Posts
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7th Apr '03
All of a sudden, nothing happened!

However, then Jerry decided, it was time to make a stand. No longer would innocent fruits (and/or herbs) be condemned to a life of inequality and fear. It was time for Direct Action!

Summoning up every ounce of power his very small banana muscles could produce, he bravely flexed at the middle, slowly inching his way towards his fearful ally and one-time conductor of the London Philharmonic Orchestra...
  

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Fri 30th Apr '04 8:56PM
4678 Posts
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7th Apr '03
...Everyone's favourite religious foreign envoy ex-hostage, Terry Waite!


Terry slowly rose to his gigantic feet, drew in a huge rumbling breath, and waited for a full 6 1/2 months to go by (for dramatic effect) before declaring:
  

Spanners*
Misses his big brother :(
Fri 30th Apr '04 10:44PM
4597 Posts
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7th Apr '03
"Bugger this for a game of soldiers, I'm off down the Nags head for a pint of best and a pickled egg. Ooh look, a banana. And it looks like it has something to say."
    

Jog_Eerie
All this thinking has gone to our heads
Wed 5th May '04 3:17PM
366 Posts
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15th Apr '03
Jerry was feeling pretty rotten as it was after the 6 1/2 month pause, but when the towering and musically talented Waite spoke, Jerry's skin instantly turned several shades of brown.

Despite his great desire to speak out and to make a stand, Jerry's nerves made him painfully aware that he lacked both a mouth and legs.

This realisation struck him both dumb and immobile. Our hero realised he only had one option left....
 

General*
Windows Bob - the best!
Wed 5th May '04 10:40PM
4213 Posts
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7th Apr '03
It was noon. So this is how it is, this is how it always happens in the noon. Damn your noon. With my last 50 pound I purchased some true and honest beer; I took a pull from the bottle. It was good. It burned my mouth and felt good and warm going down my esophagus and into my stomach. From there it went to my kidneys and my bladder, and was good. I remembered then when I last saw Jack Kerouac who was still a damn fine writer. It was in london and we looked out the windows at the mountain and drank beer in the noon. It was noon and had been noon for some time.

(Courtesy of the bad Hemingway generator http://www.unh.edu/NIS/Courses/JS3min/Demos/bad-hemingway.html)
    

Sloanio
*boingy* *boingy*
Thu 6th May '04 9:37AM
271 Posts
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12th Feb '04
"Who the hell are you?!" Inquired Jerry as he stared at the random wandering Hemingway wannabe.

"I'm trying to make a life altering decision here ya muppet!"

only one option left....

So he pulled down his pants and...

 

Diziet
optical moose
Thu 24th May '07 3:28PM
2522 Posts
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20th Jul '05
....sprayed the room with concentrated banana smoothie.

Emo Squid
sanctus, sanctus, sanctus
Thu 24th May '07 3:31PM
624 Posts
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23rd Feb '07
I was so tempted to carry on with this thread earlier!

'Screw this!' shouts the Hemingway wannabe, 'Im off to bag me a Merlin!'

Mrsham
I lost my toes in a game of blackjack
Thu 24th May '07 3:57PM
505 Posts
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5th Jan '07
"Dammit," mutters Jerry, "that's taking longer every time. I blame the syphilis." A dripping Terry (returned from a three year drinking session down the Nag's head) frowns at Jerry, but as a polite and long-suffering sort of a bloke chooses to say nothing.

"Right, where was I ..." says Jerry, "yes ... taking a stand ... Right. I WON'T TAKE THIS ANY MORE! BANANAS OF THE WORLD, UNITE, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT YOUR ...
 

Diziet
optical moose
Fri 25th May '07 12:14PM
2522 Posts
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20th Jul '05
...mango chutney.

at this point, terry pulled out an enormous, bloated...

Emo Squid
sanctus, sanctus, sanctus
Fri 25th May '07 12:18PM
624 Posts
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23rd Feb '07
fish cake.

Then he...

Xander
The panda is the evolutionary equivalent of living off benefits.
Tue 2nd Dec '08 9:23PM
169 Posts
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16th Jul '08
waved it about for dramatic effect.
This didn’t impress the Hemmingway wannabe he was too macho for such things. He looked a Terry and knew Terry wasn’t a good man, he was too soft. Clearly he was upsetting the group waving his fish cake around. No he was not a good man, not good at all.
Jerry was a good banana, perhaps a little black and rotten but a good banana. He’d gone soft for a while but time had toughened him. No he would be good a good banana.
It was of course just past noon, plenty of time. Hemmingway wannabe had things to do, Terry was soft but Jerry would be good. It was just past noon and was still just past noon. There was time but then Hunter S Thompson wannabe had arrived.

The high from smoking the banana skins was too much! There was not order no control over this threat had we devolved into a chimp like Michael the monkey.
I turned to Terry and explained he nodded to say he understood, but I knew from his feet he didn’t. Could we not even talk now?
I took a blotter of acid and a coke then some mescaline just too top things off. We were all out of banana skin when the drugs started to take hold.
Soon chimps were swinging down from the elevator shaft and a voice was screaming: “Holy macaroni plegaleggole what are these God damn primates chanting.”
The scene was too ugly for me to comprehend! It was like the damned scene from Kingdom of the crystal minus Shia.
Things were starting to get too weird when...
 

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Thu 4th Dec '08 8:27AM
4678 Posts
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Member Since
7th Apr '03
a nearby troop carrier started to disgorge a battalion of MPs and media types. Terry and Jerry watched as Janet Street-Porter, Harriet Harman, Richard Littlejohn, Gok Wan, Trinny and Suzannah and David Blunkett shuffled menacingly towards them brandishing various manifestos and lifestlye guides.

"We can't stop here," shouted Jerry, "this is twat country!"
  

HuMpO
Daddy Mack
Wed 25th Mar '09 9:59PM
27 Posts
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22nd Mar '09
Jerry Stood There Slowly Picking His Nose...
 

Xander
The panda is the evolutionary equivalent of living off benefits.
Mon 6th Apr '09 7:16PM
169 Posts
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16th Jul '08
which is a tough thing for a banana to do but Jerry did it anyway. Now Jerry was determined to win self determination for...
 

Diziet O Dim
Forum Newbie
Sun 29th Jun '14 8:37AM
5 Posts
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Member Since
29th Jun '14
...langoustine. He wondered if that was altruistic or if it was just shellfish
 

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