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Desert Creature
Boof boof, sproing!
Wed 23rd Apr '08 4:14PM
101 Posts
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9th Oct '07
I was chatting to a lady friend about hankies and tissues. We agreed that hanky is manky, no issues with tissues and I'm sure that there is no big question to be answered there. But then something else came up on the subject of tissues...

It is my experience that no amount of shaking (no matter how much of a macho pantomime one makes of it) ever gets rid of that last drip. Because of this I usually choose to sit down and take the opportunity to mop up after myself.

I'm am assured that a lady wouldn't dream of drip-drying and would always carry tissues just in case there are none available. Men are not made to feel paranoid about Freshness by the media but does this make them lazy about personal hygiene?

So should the whole human race sit down? It'd cure the whole putting the seat down issue and would even have advantages for men since it would reduce the chance of coming across a suspiciously wet seat when you really do need to sit down.

Oh and sorry for lowering the tone of The Big Questions.
  

Diziet
optical moose
Wed 23rd Apr '08 4:36PM
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20th Jul '05
can i nominate this for best big question of the year so far?

your friend is lying when she says a lady wouldn't dream of drip drying. when given a choice between drip drying and using the Stockport Times (due to someone forgetting to buy toilet roll), i reckon most ladies would choose to drip dry.

i think its a good idea to sit down but i don't do it myself. i think the hygiene aspect is a very interesting one. i'm going to conduct an experiment - i'm going to sit down for two days then stand up for two days and compare each day's underpants for hygiene levels.

does anyone know how to gauge the hygiene level of a pair of man-knickers?

Emo Squid
sanctus, sanctus, sanctus
Wed 23rd Apr '08 4:58PM
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23rd Feb '07


Diziet was bold enough to comment:
can i nominate this for best big question of the year so far?



Only of the year?! I put it to you admins, up there in your ivory tower (), that this question be awarded some kind of 'best post ever' accolade!

I used to stand up, but now i sit down (at home, not in public toilets). It's much better! Sitting down is very popular with German men, so my German friend tells me.

General*
Windows Bob - the best!
Wed 23rd Apr '08 5:48PM
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7th Apr '03


Emo Squid was bold enough to comment:

I used to stand up, but now i sit down (at home, not in public toilets). It's much better! Sitting down is very popular with German men, so my German friend tells me.



Ah but then Germans do have the bizare poo shelf in their toilets so can we really use them as an example?

I'm all for standing up. I don't understand why as men you would choose to ignore the gift that nature has bestowed upon you. Next you will be telling me you don't make light sabre noises while you do it!
    

Diziet
optical moose
Wed 23rd Apr '08 5:56PM
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20th Jul '05


General was bold enough to comment:

Ah but then Germans do have the bizare poo shelf in their toilets so can we really use them as an example?




what on earth is a poo shelf? i'm imagining a shelf with polished exhibits, all of them dated and rated.

i'm also imagining emo squid staring menancingly down at the pan and intoning,

"your powers are weak, old man"

General*
Windows Bob - the best!
Wed 23rd Apr '08 6:02PM
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Diziet was bold enough to comment:

what on earth is a poo shelf? i'm imagining a shelf with polished exhibits, all of them dated and rated.




Many but not all German toilets consist of a dry porcelain shelf at the back half of the toilet and a small but deep water filled section at the front. The excreted matter falls onto the shelf and upon flushing is washed off the step into the hole.
I find it quite unnerving, but on the plus side it all but eliminates the dreaded splashback.
    

Spanners*
Misses his big brother :(
Wed 23rd Apr '08 7:17PM
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7th Apr '03
How much you shake, how much you dance, the last two drops go in your pants

I'm all for standing up but I do like taking a single square of toilet paper for a dab if a roll is to hand. I try not to sit down in public toilets unless there's a pretty serious two minute warning going on.
    

Gertrude
Landy Dirtlady
Thu 24th Apr '08 8:49AM
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12th Oct '05
I thought I'd add both a female voice, and that of a poet. I'm sure this quote is Robert Burns, but I may be wrong...

"No matter how much ye shake yer peg
The last wee drap rins doon yer leg."

I found it in a bizarre book that was talking about something completely different and then suddenly used the last chapter to have a rant about how men's toilets should have loo roll.

Also, I'm completely horrified by the 'drip dry' idea. No no no no no no no! Always check the tissue situation before you begin to pee!
 

Desert Creature
Boof boof, sproing!
Thu 24th Apr '08 4:25PM
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9th Oct '07


Diziet was bold enough to comment:
i'm going to conduct an experiment - i'm going to sit down for two days then stand up for two days and compare each day's underpants for hygiene levels.

does anyone know how to gauge the hygiene level of a pair of man-knickers?



Well I think this is very noble of you Diziet. I think you need to be testing for odour, colour (wearing white undies would make things easier) and comfort. Oh, and dare I utter the word smegma?



General was bold enough to comment:
I'm all for standing up. I don't understand why as men you would choose to ignore the gift that nature has bestowed upon you. Next you will be telling me you don't make light sabre noises while you do it!



I'm not denying the convenience and it's great to be able to aim (except on those occasional glorious mornings when the available range of trajectories is rigidly limited to angles above the horizontal). It might even come in useful in an emergency one day. It's just a hygiene and comfort thing for me.

And no I don't make light sabre noises when I do it but I am always careful not to cross the streams!

It's good to know that it's not only me who has given this at least a passing tought.
  

Magina*
Mrs Spanners if you please.
Thu 1st May '08 12:36PM
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I believe everyone should stand up...

It is apparantly possible to master the art of standing-up-peeing as a lady, despite many attempts (my poor bathroom floor) however, I have never managed to perfect my aim. I still believe this is the way forward and persevere until I succeed; public toilet seats are suspiciously smeared at best and, try as you might, the carefully laid layer of toilet paper never stays put... and then there's mess... it's all far too complicated.

I t idea of a poo shelf... perhaps it's so one can admire ones produce?
 

Spanners*
Misses his big brother :(
Thu 1st May '08 1:07PM
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Magina was bold enough to comment:
It is apparantly possible to master the art of standing-up-peeing as a lady, despite many attempts (my poor bathroom floor) however, I have never managed to perfect my aim. I still believe this is the way forward and persevere until I succeed;


I would like to state for the record that this practice has been discouraged since Magina moved in with me...
    

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Thu 1st May '08 2:09PM
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Desert Creature was bold enough to comment:

those occasional glorious mornings when the available range of trajectories is rigidly limited to angles above the horizontal




Damn you for making me snigger whilst in the middle of teaching IT to a classful of social workers!

As to public toilets, I'd never consider sitting down on one given the state in which I've seen some of them. You ladies are brave souls indeed.
  

Emo Squid
sanctus, sanctus, sanctus
Thu 1st May '08 2:40PM
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23rd Feb '07
According to the barefoot doctor, leaning forwards when pooing can limit your ability to poo properly. Hmmm... I think I might experiment with stand-up pooing! Helluva splash though....

General*
Windows Bob - the best!
Thu 1st May '08 9:16PM
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7th Apr '03
I feel like some kind of caveman now because I wee standing up and I don't care about sitting on public toilets.

While we are on the subject has anyone else noticed the frankly bizarre toilet behavior that some blokes get up to?

Here are some examples from recent memory:

The bloke who worked in the same building as me who used to have a school boy wee at the urinal (Thats with trousers and pants down for you girls).

The bloke who walked into the toilets in a smart suit when I was in there talking to some kind of business associate in a kind of "Lets push the envelope up a flagpole and see who salutes the box" kind of a way and proceeded to have one of the noisiest gruntyest shits I've ever heard in my life while still merrily chatting away.

The scary number of people who feel the need to shake it like a Polaroid picture to the degree where you start thinking "Is he dislodging the drops or just having a crafty J Arthur?"

The evil people who cover the bog seat with paper and then DON'T BOTHER TO PUT IT DOWN THE LAV WHEN THEY ARE DONE!
It's one thing being a clean freak it's another to make people touch paper that has touched your bum cheeks before they can have a poo!

The bloke who used to work in my building who mysteriously ripped off the toilet seat and put it in the sink once per week without fail and no one knew who it was or why they did it.

Creepy old blokes who take the urinal next to you even though they are all free then engage you in jolly conversation.

People who don't see the problem with going into a busy public toilet and going "NNNNYYYARGGGHHH UUUNNNNNNNN GRRRRRRRRRRRR AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" while they poo. This is especially bad as it often makes me become hysterical with laughter and have to run out.

Anyone got any more?
    

Magina*
Mrs Spanners if you please.
Fri 2nd May '08 1:41PM
288 Posts
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18th Apr '06
Wow
That's a whole world of male toilet activity I was unaware of.... there's nothing ike this in ladies toilets.... just the occasional unflushed/unbinned nastiness, pehaps a few 'ahem' familiar sounds now and again, and a lot of standing around gossiping (this is something I rarely engage in).

I like the guy who put the loo seat in the sink... he's a card......

 

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Fri 2nd May '08 5:16PM
4678 Posts
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7th Apr '03
International Centre for Bathroom Etiquette:

http://www.icbe.org/
  

Spanners*
Misses his big brother :(
Sat 3rd May '08 6:18PM
4597 Posts
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7th Apr '03


General was bold enough to comment:

The bloke who worked in the same building as me who used to have a school boy wee at the urinal (Thats with trousers and pants down for you girls).



I hd friend in Belfast who used to do that purely to feak people out. I also think it heelped that he had a multitude of tattoos and played in a thrash metal band
    

LadyBird
But Jesus sez 'Oh hai! Iz just me. lol.'
Wed 7th May '08 5:22PM
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14th May '07


Magina was bold enough to comment:
I believe everyone should stand up...

It is apparantly possible to master the art of standing-up-peeing as a lady, despite many attempts (my poor bathroom floor) however, I have never managed to perfect my aim. I still believe this is the way forward and persevere until I succeed; public toilet seats are suspiciously smeared at best and, try as you might, the carefully laid layer of toilet paper never stays put... and then there's mess... it's all far too complicated.




I think I have the answer to all your problems...
http://www.whizproducts.co.uk/en/whiz_freedom_faqs.aspx

Failing that you could go and live in France where the public toilets are so godawful that you learn to pee standing up really quickly.

I couldn't really find an appropriate smiley for this post...
 

Desert Creature
Boof boof, sproing!
Thu 8th May '08 4:50PM
101 Posts
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9th Oct '07


Diziet was bold enough to comment:

...i'm going to sit down for two days then stand up for two days and compare each day's underpants for hygiene levels.

does anyone know how to gauge the hygiene level of a pair of man-knickers?



Well Diz? How'd that experiment turn out for you?

If there is no scale for the hygiene level of man-knickers then I think you should come up with one. The Richter Scale, The Scoville Scale, The Mohs Scale...THE DIZIET SCALE!
  

Spanners*
Misses his big brother :(
Fri 9th May '08 10:53AM
4597 Posts
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7th Apr '03
You need some of Invader Zim's germ glasses
    

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