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The most utterly pointless conversation I have ever heard - 1 to 7
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Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Mon 27th Oct '08 2:28PM
4678 Posts
Demian's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
I'm stuck in a typing office in the arse end of Manchester today. Just overheard:

Manager: Debbie was talking to one of your colleagues on Friday.
Typist: Who are you talking to?
Manager: You. I said Debbie was talking to one of your colleagues on Friday.
Typist: Oh. Who was that then?
Manager: I don't know. I didn't ask. I was on my way out of the building.
Typist: Oh. thats nice.
Manager: Is it?
Typist: Um...
Manager: Goodbye then.

2 minutes later she cast a spell to prevent the cleaning lady from falling over. It went 'Ananeenanoo'. The cleaning lady scurried hurriedly away once its purpose had been explained to her.

I'm scared.

Manchester City Council: You do have to be mad to work here.

The panda is the evolutionary equivalent of living off benefits.
Mon 27th Oct '08 5:13PM
169 Posts
Xander's Avatar
Member Since
16th Jul '08
Thats wrong. Manchester City Council would never prejudice against a sane person joining the council. You don't have to be mad to work there.



Tue 28th Oct '08 7:04PM
1558 Posts
Swoop's Avatar
Member Since
9th Apr '03
A co-worker, when shown this very picture of this dwarf bodybuilder in a newspaper:

responded with the words

What is it? Urg, is is a pygmy? I hate pygmies me, I hate them, get it away from me. Fucking pygmies. Pygmies pygmies. Urg.

Now, she's a tall lady, 6ft or so, but living in Manchester, I find it hard to believe she's come into contact with enough pygmies to form an honest opinion, and also that she's not seen a dwarf or even a midget before. (I'm not sure of the difference tbh, but this guy prefers dwarf so that's good enough for me)
It just went beyond uneducated or thoughtless into a whole new level of stupid.

The panda is the evolutionary equivalent of living off benefits.
Sun 23rd Nov '08 9:00PM
169 Posts
Xander's Avatar
Member Since
16th Jul '08
Nearly put this on the Barak Obama thread but by virtue of total lack of considered opinion by one of the participants I’m putting it here. You will soon understand why. I almost didn’t enter it but when I recounted it to Demian verbally he thought it hilarious.
This conversation took place on bonfire night at a fireworks display and I am one of the participants in this conversation. I would normally ignore such pointless banter but I found myself having to say something as no one else would. I was I felt highly restrained but beginning to lose it the longer we talked.
One other thing I should add that will give the conversation context. The fireworks display was held by and organised by my mother in laws Christian cell group.

In transcript form (but remember this is from memory and from a while ago):

Room: General conversation about Barack Obama rather positive.

Chubby Blonde: “I think Barack Obama is the anti-christ.”

Ruth: “Really?”

Chubby Blonde: “Yes, I just looked at him and then I just knew he’s the anti-Christ.”

Room: A few sage nods and some rolled eyes.

(The whole ‘he’s the anti-Christ’ thing is a common obsession with certain branches of Christianity. In brief everyone you can think of in a major position of power has been accused of being the anti-Christ.)

Ruth: “He’s a racist. Barack Obama went to a racist church for thirty years. My internet Christian friend told me.”

Chubby Blonde: “Really! That’s terrible!”

Ruth: “Yes his preacher at this church preached that the races should be separate and Obama went for 30 years. You never see that in the media.”

(This is far too much for me and I have to say something. I suspect it’s not in the media because it’s been made up by her “internet friend”. But I find one obvious flaw to her statement.)

Xander: “Obama’s mother is white.”

(Ruth and chubby blonde glare at me. It also occurs to me that Obama is in his 40’s and grew up in Asia for part of his child hood and was born in Hawaii and lived in Chicago. Without checking the precise maths I still can’t see how it’s possible for him to have gone to the same preacher for 30 years.)

Ruth: “McCain should have won at least he and Bush are moral people.”

Xander: “Why what’s Obama done?”

(Tidy family man as far as I can see.)

Ruth: “He’s pro-abortion.”

(Regardless of where you stand on this issue as far as I’m aware he’s proposing no change to the abortion laws. Also George W Bush despite all his anti-abortion rhetoric has not managed to change a single piece of abortion legislation. It’s actually individual states and the high court that gets a say, which she does mention.)

Ruth: “In the USA they have a supreme court and they are all politically appointed. At the moment the Supreme Court is balanced. Three judges are set to retire and now Obama is president he will appoint three liberal judges that will allow all sorts of terrible things to happen.”

Xander: “Your right three are set to retire, but they are liberal judges. So now that Obama has won he will simply return the Supreme Court to the status quo.”

Ruth: “Well I still think we need someone who is ethical in power. Whatever you say about George Bush he’s been moral.”

(I’m getting annoyed now. It must be showing as Mrs Xander grips my hand.)

Xander: “George Bush moral! He took the country to war twice! He had no justification for invading Iraq, there were no weapons of mass destruction.”

(Ruth gives me a sympathetic look.)

Ruth: “I have a friend who works in US Navy intelligence and he says we have no idea about what Saddam had.”

(US Navy intelligence, not the most notoriously reliable of institutions. Anyone read about the ***** navy incident that was the whole justification for the Vietnam war? They eventually admitted they had made the whole thing up. Not until after one of the most horrible wars in history of course.)

Xander: “Where are the weapons then?”

Ruth: “Well we just don’t know do we? We will never know what they found.”

Xander: “If they had been they would have shown them to the entire world. No chance at all that Bush wouldn’t have sent in the cameras.”

Ruth: “That doesn’t mean to say Saddam didn’t want them.”

Xander: “He did as do most dictators, because it’s fun to have them. That’s why the UN had a policy of containment something that worked fine as the US managed to find no WMDs.”

Ruth: “I don’t know about anyone else but I still say if we have a leader there personal morality counts more.”

(So by that estimation Hitler is an ok moral leader! He’s a family man all the way and loves children. He doesn’t believe in sex before marriage, walked straight out of that Vienna brothel in 1913 and no hanky panky with Eva Braun. He likes dogs and is a vegetarian to boot.)

Ruth: “Bush and McCain are both very ethical. I’m just sure Obama has something wrong somewhere I can just feel it and look at Clinton it was terrible what he did.”

(Who cares what Clinton did with Monica and a cigar? I’m sure most of the world rather cares what decisions their leaders make. The world was reasonably stable when Clinton was President, Bush has destabilised the Middle East and oversaw the wrecking of the world economy. Not to mention Bush has executed more prisoners than any Governor in US history and permitted and advocated the use of torture completely ignoring human rights.)

Ruth: “Not to mention Bush is advised by Billy Graham.”

(For the unknowing Billy Graham is a very respected Christian leader in the US. He has been in his time been a tad right wing but mellowed over time. He is in his 80’s and rumoured to have dementia and Alzheimer’s. I therefore doubt his ability to advise Bush.)

Xander: “So what?”

Ruth: “So his decisions will be good and moral.”

Xander: “Correct me if I’m wrong but didn’t Billy Graham oppose the war in Iraq.”

Ruth: “I’m not sure... I just don’t like these Republicans.”

Xander: “You mean Democrats. Obama’s party is the Democrats.”

Ruth: “Is it. The Republicans are blue and the Democrats are red?”

Xander: “No it’s the other way round.”

(Ruth smiles triumphantly.)

Ruth: “And one of them has an elephant as a symbol.”

Chubby bonde: “Oh, I like elephants.”

Ruth: “Me too.”

My ape goosed a Bishop. Who are you?
Mon 24th Nov '08 10:36AM
1673 Posts
Malcolm's Avatar
Member Since
3rd Jun '03
Xander, that was excellent. I especially liked the way it progressed from issues-based explanation to... well, marvellous.

The panda is the evolutionary equivalent of living off benefits.
Tue 3rd Feb '09 9:39PM
169 Posts
Xander's Avatar
Member Since
16th Jul '08
Has anyone listened to the directors commentary for Die Hard2:Die Harder? I know technically not a conversation unless you consider it a one way conversation with the audience

For anyone familiar with Die Hard2 its a fairly average action flick but director Renny Harlin delivers a trully pointless commentary and discusses snow (hot topic at the moment) near endlessly through the commentary.

Imagine if you will a voice so dull it could bore the big red backside off a baboon and you have Renny Harlin's voice

Allow me to deliver a rough exerpt:

"There was no snow, we went filming and could find no snow. Again here we filmed and there was no snow."

"We traveled all the way to Vancoover to find snow and then there was no snow. I said to Bruce we have no snow and Bruce said yes and we had no snow. It was very funny, because there was no snow."

(Even when talking about interior studio scenes he's snow obsessed) "Because we had no snow we went and filmed the interiors early because there was no snow."

"No snow."

"We moved the whole production further up north to find some snow but there was no snow."

"We had to make artificial snow, because there was no snow. So we had no snow and some artificial snow, it was very funny."

"In this gun fight most of the snow is artificial... I think that shot there is some real snow, but the rest is fake snow. There was no snow."

Also between monotoning about snow he does the commentary crime of going quiet for long periods while he's clearly watching the movie. The only thing you learn about Die Hard2 is that there was no snow...

Misses his big brother :(
Thu 5th Feb '09 1:48PM
4597 Posts
Spanners's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
Wow Xander that is truly incredible (the bigoted women with the IQ of toast, not the snow). I am truly amazed at the level of ignorance, bigotry and general stupidity in the world at the moment.

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