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How to cope with things - 1 to 6
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Xander
The panda is the evolutionary equivalent of living off benefits.
Wed 4th Feb '09 5:31PM
169 Posts
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Member Since
16th Jul '08
Wondering if anyone has any advice on how to cope with things that plague the mind?

I'm always really impressed by people who can let things go and not let them bother them and in principle I subscribe to the same school but in practice I can't...

Yesterday this waste of skin sent me and everyone else I work with a patronising and insulting e-mail about a general broadcaste of information I sent out. Now in theory I'd let it slide but it went on to ruin the rest of my day, my evening at home and my sleep.

Anyone know any techniques for just letting things go?
 

General*
Windows Bob - the best!
Wed 4th Feb '09 10:01PM
4213 Posts
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Member Since
7th Apr '03
An interesting question.

I once heard a psychologist say that people who tend to make you feel a certain way (angry, frustrated) are often projecting emotions that they feel themselves. So if someone makes you feel small it may be that they themselves feel inadequate and they try to project this onto you as a form of self medication.

I find thinking that way helpful because you can see that the way they try to make you feel is what it must be like to be inside their head and once you start understanding that you realise that you are a bigger person and you can choose not to let them infect you with that negative feeling.

Eleanor Roosevelt said one of my favourite quotes which is: "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."

It's completely true. If you refuse to give credence to someone's views nothing they say can affect they way you feel.

If that doesn't work I try to put things in context of my life and imagine myself in a year or twos time gently chiding myself for allowing myself to get worked up in that way that you do with the benefit of hindsight.
    

Agentgonzo
There's no pee in catheter!
Thu 5th Feb '09 10:24AM
811 Posts
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Member Since
8th Aug '06
I generally find that venting about it somewhere helps get it off your chest. For me, that generally involves ranting to your co-workers, friends or the forum (you may have noticed this). After a good rant I normally feel better and can put it out of my mind.

Sometimes if it's a really useless person I find that it helps if you direct the rant at them and someone else, pointing out how utterly incompetent they are. It then makes them feel bad and transfers the anguish onto them, the person who really deserves it.
  

Spanners*
Misses his big brother :(
Thu 5th Feb '09 1:16PM
4597 Posts
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Member Since
7th Apr '03
I quite like the Buddhist way of looking at it - they view everyone in the world as a teacher and if someone is unpleasant to you then you can say that person has simply come along to teach you patience, understanding, compassion etc.
If you use the experience to help develop patience then you're a better person for it and and the other person simply remains a fool.
    

Amanshu*
Giggity Giggity goo
Thu 5th Feb '09 2:12PM
2708 Posts
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Member Since
25th Aug '04
I seem to remember reading something a while ago that basically said men tend to deal with things by shunting them to the back of their brain. The subconscious deals with it and then when it's ready it gives forth it's conclusions for the conscious to consider. The basic aim I go for is to help speed up that process.

So I generally go and find something completely unrelated to do. The criteria for it are either it will occupy my brain for a while, or that it will occupy my hands for a while. It can be anything from a crossword, a tv series, a piece of art, rebuilding a computer, catching up on paperwork, going to the gym, the rubiks cube, cleaning... You're basically giving yourself something completely different to focus on.

When you're done you'll probably find your attitude to the whole thing has changed. If it hasn't then go find something else to do.
   

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Fri 6th Feb '09 9:57AM
4678 Posts
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Member Since
7th Apr '03
I think it's also true that you can really only be emotionally affected by people who you care about, or those whom you allow to affect you that way. In all other situations, it's really up to you how to respond, although the gut reaction can be the first to kick in. Personally I wouldn't afford the guy the power to affect you emotionally since he's a small minded man trying to make himself look bigger by putting you down, and as General says, this says more about him than it does about you...
  

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