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Stupid things you've heard people say! - 1 to 22
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Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Sun 8th Aug '04 9:35PM
4678 Posts
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Member Since
7th Apr '03
Believe it or not, I've collected all of these from the SAME PERSON (co-worker) in the last few months



I'm scared of going to the toilet and bloody doing anything in case it's illegal!

Oh, that's good - the 4th of August 2008!

You know nothing, because you are young.

By the year 2020 there will be 30 billion asylum seekers.

If you was in a situation then you'd analyse it, wouldn't you? Analytically.

If I ate tuna salad every day I'd turn into a tuna fish.

How can you explain what a zero, an upside-down four, and a one is?

I was eating so much food I lost weight.

Hi Martha! How's your drawers?

Hey, where's Kath? I want to go to the toilet!

I know my name in Chinese. It's 'Choppen Jint'.

I believe whatever anyone wants to believe, it's their own business. That's why I hate these bloody Muslims.

You look as though you're 12 months pregnant!

Everybody marries everyone else. God, I even married a Greek...

When I say 'Chicken soup', I mean egg and lemon.

Quack quack quack, and off she goes!

You'll get a thick eye in a minute!

Can you use the word 'boisterous'? As in, you know, like wrestling?

The English language has been bloody Americans, bloody foreigners coming in...

Oh, I've stopped, and I've just fallen.

French Canadians aren't nice. They're ignorant.

It's the same, but different.

You're going round in a barrel and don't know which way to get out.

Is 'Nought' just zero?

I won't be in Monday, so have a nice weekend.


And my absolute favourite...

Well I had 3 separate injections, and there's nothing wrong with me!



Feel free to post ridiculous thing you've overheard.
  

Swoop*
CHIMPO
Sun 8th Aug '04 9:42PM
1558 Posts
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Member Since
9th Apr '03
Walking through the call centre at work I overhead someone talking to a customer, confirming their postcode.
'Is that M for Michael? [pause] Oh, sorry, your name's Michael isn't it? Err is that M for Mary?'

the same person mentioned in an unrealted conversation that they were too scared to enter their bedroom, and so they slept on the sofa every night. That doesn't compare with "When I say 'Chicken soup', I mean egg and lemon." though.
Good grief.
 

General*
Windows Bob - the best!
Tue 10th Aug '04 5:59PM
4213 Posts
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Member Since
7th Apr '03
I have a good one for all the geeks out there.
Upon hearing that the Lawnmower Man aimed to prove his domination of the worlds communication networks by making every phone in the world ring my mate said: "Nice idea but he's obviously never heard of contention ratios!"
    

Dregan
a flim flam is as good as a shim sham sam
Fri 13th Aug '04 11:33AM
843 Posts
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13th Apr '04
Something I said today:

[it's someone's birthday in the office today] So, does this make you older than Adrian now?

It took fully five seconds before my brain realised what I'd said. D'oh.
    

General*
Windows Bob - the best!
Sun 22nd Aug '04 8:00PM
4213 Posts
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Member Since
7th Apr '03
A whole site full of crazy evesdroppings:
http://www.inpassing.org/

"How do they even live with themselves? Sitting there all day, next to the corn cherry scones, knowing they're clearly inferior. Pity the plight of a mere strawberrry scone."
--A guy at Arizmendi bakery
    

Spanners*
Misses his big brother :(
Wed 21st Jun '06 1:39AM
4597 Posts
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Member Since
7th Apr '03
Was just watching the news and the anchor-lady said that Nicole Kidman and her fiancee have announced they intend to get married.
HOW IS SOMEONE YOUR FIANCEE IF YOU DON'T INTEND TO GET MARRIED???
(Gah!)
    

Mildred
Daddy-licious
Wed 21st Jun '06 12:19PM
212 Posts
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13th Sep '04
The following conversation has just transpired in my office:

Colleague A: [Colleague B], have you got Windows Media Player?
Colleague B: What - on my computer?

(Where else, one might ask, could you have Windows Media Player, other than on your computer? clipped on to your hair as an eccentric hairpiece? in the cupboard under the sink? grafted on to your leg? In your handbag? Up a tree?)
 

Amanshu*
Giggity Giggity goo
Wed 21st Jun '06 1:07PM
2708 Posts
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25th Aug '04


Demian was bold enough to comment:
Oh, that's good - the 4th of August 2008!



For some reason this one fascinates me. I mean what's so good about 04/08/08? I just can't get my head around it. Unless he was writing it in the american style, when it would be 8/04/08 which is pleasingly symmetrical, but then we've just had a run of 6/0X/06 so there must be some reason why he picked out that particular one!

It's four days before the Beijing Olympics starts, so maybe he's going to that and that's when he flies out?

I've even considered that it was just a pointless date that he pulled out of a hat, but I refuse to accept that...

Argghhhh! It's doing my head in! I'd ask you to ask your colleague, but then you'd have to admit to this thread, which might not be quite so fun...
   

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Wed 21st Jun '06 10:25PM
4678 Posts
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7th Apr '03


Amanshu was bold enough to comment:

Argghhhh! It's doing my head in! I'd ask you to ask your colleague, but then you'd have to admit to this thread, which might not be quite so fun...



She was just really, really easily pleased

Guv, you got that other list I made, including such gems as 'Have I told you about my Dad's plastic brain'?
  

The Guv
I have no idea what to put here........ HELP ME
Thu 22nd Jun '06 6:44AM
320 Posts
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Member Since
29th Nov '04


Demian was bold enough to comment:


Amanshu was bold enough to comment:

Argghhhh! It's doing my head in! I'd ask you to ask your colleague, but then you'd have to admit to this thread, which might not be quite so fun...



She was just really, really easily pleased

Guv, you got that other list I made, including such gems as 'Have I told you about my Dad's plastic brain'?



No I have not got the list but I think Diziet might have.

Anyone who is doubting she DOES actually say these things.

Diziet
optical moose
Thu 22nd Jun '06 3:53PM
2522 Posts
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Member Since
20th Jul '05


The Guv was bold enough to comment:


Demian was bold enough to comment:


Amanshu was bold enough to comment:

Argghhhh! It's doing my head in! I'd ask you to ask your colleague, but then you'd have to admit to this thread, which might not be quite so fun...



She was just really, really easily pleased

Guv, you got that other list I made, including such gems as 'Have I told you about my Dad's plastic brain'?



No I have not got the list but I think Diziet might have.




i have indeed.

heres a list of quotes from stacey as compiled by demian:

i've got to get something to eat. i'm ravishing.

i get dead claustrophobic when i make files up.

i'm thinking of becoming a prostitute. its less demeaning.

is his knob still not working?

i've got trapped wind in my shoulder.

have i told you about my dad's plastic brain?

don't you think you should get a refund if your pregnancy test comes back negative?

i think all little girls should dance professionally.

i love stevie wonder. i wouldn't want to be blind though.

they should make the bible into a book.

glamorous? it must be the orange juice.

i've got a mustard headache.

whats all this encrouching on my desk?

pick up the phone...riiiing toooone...i'm having that put on my headstone.

i'm so tired i think i must be a diabetic.

i think i'm reincarnated out of a child from the blitz.

do they eat people, them hawks?

did you know noah was a gay? no he wasn't, he was an albino.

theres no need for horses now we have cars.

i don't realise how much shit i talk.

why have i got houmous all up me ears?

i think theres a ghost stood next to me.

i've not told you about my irrational fear of hedgehogs, have i?

do they sell haggis in asda? thats a bird isn't it?

Bonio
Norwich Lovely Norwich!
Thu 22nd Jun '06 5:12PM
58 Posts
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Member Since
18th Dec '05
In my office theres this *mature* lady who comes out with allsorts not so much silly but weird phrases - there so random we play a point scoring game with them now as to how many she can fit into a day

Heres some of her gems - some are common I guess but others are just plain weird!

I don't know if I'm on this earth or fullers

Banana skins in tomato sauce

Oooh sugarplum fairies

I'm off for a park drive!

Lets put the telly on and see what the film is today (when switching on her pc)

Does 4 weekly mean monthly?

I feel like the wreck of the asbury??
 

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Thu 22nd Jun '06 7:20PM
4678 Posts
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Member Since
7th Apr '03


Diziet was bold enough to comment:

list




Awesome, thanks These were actually used recently on Moss Side FM for some reason I have yet to fathom. Incidentally, it's a different colleague from the first set of quotes.
  

Mildred
Daddy-licious
Fri 23rd Jun '06 1:17PM
212 Posts
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Member Since
13th Sep '04
One of the most stupid things I've ever heard someone say was myself, apologising to a spider. I think I was saying sorry to it for scaring it and making it retreat back behind the washing machine. When you consider that I myself am terrified of spiders, you will probably agree that 'oh, sorry, Mr Spider' was a fairly stupid thing to say
 

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Thu 29th Jun '06 10:52PM
4678 Posts
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Member Since
7th Apr '03
An email classic from my reality-challenged line manager today:


'I'm going through my emails in reverse order, so if there's anything urgent please send it last.'


  

The Guv
I have no idea what to put here........ HELP ME
Fri 30th Jun '06 7:05AM
320 Posts
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Member Since
29th Nov '04


Demian was bold enough to comment:
An email classic from my reality-challenged line manager today:


'I'm going through my emails in reverse order, so if there's anything urgent please send it last.'






Do you still have the same manager you had before your move?????

Demian*
Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Fri 30th Jun '06 4:25PM
4678 Posts
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Member Since
7th Apr '03


The Guv was bold enough to comment:

Do you still have the same manager you had before your move?????



Yup.. however did you guess?

I suspect the mind-numbing stupidity might have something to do with it...
  

Diziet
optical moose
Mon 26th Feb '07 1:43PM
2522 Posts
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Member Since
20th Jul '05
today at work a girl was insistent that penelope cruz was recently in a film called 'vulva'.

Mrsham
I lost my toes in a game of blackjack
Mon 26th Feb '07 4:37PM
505 Posts
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Member Since
5th Jan '07
My colleague just now: "You see this?" she says, pointing to impressive bruise on forearm, "know how I did that?" Pause. "Elbowed myself."
 

Jog_Eerie
All this thinking has gone to our heads
Mon 26th Feb '07 6:12PM
366 Posts
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Member Since
15th Apr '03
Work experience student doing a telephone interview about aviation history:
"Did you say the Wright brothers? Are they local to Birmingham?"
 

Ginger fury
i sing chaka khan songs while wearing my white stilettos
Mon 26th Feb '07 6:38PM
278 Posts
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Member Since
5th Jul '06
Some brill lines there you lot I needed a good laugh and by god I nearly choked to death

Allen Key
Stagnating, like a packet of crisps on the roof.
Tue 27th Feb '07 11:28AM
510 Posts
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Member Since
10th Oct '04
Me: The address is Leonard Fairclough House...

Caller: Leonard, as in Leonard?

Er... yes.
 

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