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Spanners and the Internet - a ditty - 1 to 9
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Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Fri 19th Nov '04 10:15PM
4678 Posts
Demian's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
(with apologies to Lewis Carroll)

Spanners logged onto the net,
Surfing with all his might;
He did his very best to find
A webpage with insight
And this was odd, because the net
Was unarguably shite.

The furries posted sulkily,
Because they knew that they
Had got no business to be there
But refused to go away
"The net is very rude," they said,
"To treat us in this way!"

AOL was bad as bad could be,
The users were as well
And every post that stood there said
And all who blundered there would think
The net was living hell.

Spanners slowly shook his head
And donned his workman's cap
He wept like anything to see
Such quantities of crap.
"If this were only cleared away,"
He said, "the world would clap!"

If every chatroom paedophile
And all the Unix geeks
And every Usenet newsgroup post
And all the hentai freaks
Were smote as dust and hopefully
Forgotten within weeks!

"O Internet, come talk with me!"
Our Spanners did beseech
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
We finally could reach;
A happy internet where folks
Could laugh, and learn, and teach."

The eldest website looked at him,
But never a word it said;
The eldest website winked it's eye,
And shook it's heavy head
Meaning to say it did not choose
To be left unplugged, for dead.

But four young users hurried up,
All eager for the treat;
Their spelling was immaculate
Their grammar terse and neat -
And this was all despite the fact
They knew they were not l33t.

Four other users followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more -
All surfing through the internet
To TheDaddy.org.

"The time has come," our Spanners said,
"To talk of many things:
Of frogs, and brie, and cavalry,
And brussels sprouts and springs -
And why the sky sings lullabies -
And whether yans have yings."

"But wait a sec," the Users cried,
"Before we post our chat;
For some of us like Tool or Korn
Or even spel like thatt!"
"No worries!" said the Spanner, and
They thanked him much for that.

"A friendly site," Our Spanners said,
"Is what we chiefly need;
Debate and comedy besides
Are very good indeed -
Now if you're ready, surfing folk,
The posting may proceed!"

Spanners and the Internet
Evolved a year or two
Until it was a site of joy
And full of things to do
And all the little users clicked
And read of kangaroos.

Once again, boredom + beer = stupidity

Misses his big brother :(
Sat 20th Nov '04 8:27PM
4597 Posts
Spanners's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
Aw mate. That's three kinds of mighty

Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Thu 11th Aug '05 6:50PM
4678 Posts
Demian's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
Shameless self-bump cos I was about to archive it but thought there's probably a lot of new users who missed it

My ape goosed a Bishop. Who are you?
Thu 11th Aug '05 7:53PM
1673 Posts
Malcolm's Avatar
Member Since
3rd Jun '03
Congratulations again! I think I read it the first time over, but it's definitely worth seeing again.

The Guv
I have no idea what to put here........ HELP ME
Thu 11th Aug '05 8:42PM
320 Posts
The Guv's Avatar
Member Since
29th Nov '04
you could make some money off that damn good work

Giggity Giggity goo
Fri 12th Aug '05 8:29AM
2708 Posts
Amanshu's Avatar
Member Since
25th Aug '04

Demian was bold enough to comment:

Shameless self-bump cos I was about to archive it but thought there's probably a lot of new users who missed it

I think I can safely count myself as one of that number. That's cool!

Fri 12th Aug '05 9:11AM
215 Posts
Arabstrap's Avatar
Member Since
16th Jun '05
thedaddydotorg has it's own poet laureate!

optical moose
Fri 12th Aug '05 6:50PM
2522 Posts
Diziet's Avatar
Member Since
20th Jul '05
what a fantastic poem!

i particularly like:

Spanners slowly shook his head
And donned his workman's cap
He wept like anything to see
Such quantities of crap

thats some good scanning

excellent display of poetic kung-fu

three cheers for demian, spanners and thedaddy.org....

...hip hip...

and thus the sandwhich was born...

Oh Lordy, Plegaleggole
Fri 12th Aug '05 11:24PM
4678 Posts
Demian's Avatar
Member Since
7th Apr '03
Thanks for the kind words

If you enjoyed this, make sure you check out

Also, as a one-off, possibly-never-to-be-repeated offer, I will write one poem for whoever suggests the best idea. I'll mimic any style or author with a subject of your choosing

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